There were points where I wanted to stop playing this. Not because of lack of quality, but because of the discomfort of real life. The discomfort of what you've experienced.
Other points I nodded along in a mutual understanding of pain and trauma.
I haven't been through things similar to this. But I wanted to hear you out, finish the game, even if I was uncomfortable at times, not at myself or you, or even the game. Just, at life.
As a trans guy, and as someone who has been through trauma, albeit in very different ways, I just want to say that, to some degree, in different ways, as a different person, I can understand how you feel. I don't fully. I never will. But I do understand some of it.
You made me realize something myself. I won't go into it here; this isn't about me or my revelations.
I don't really have anything to say. Cliche words and kind regards don't mean much when you hurt like that. When it's so deep in your mind that it takes years to unravel and slowly build to a place where you feel...okay.
I'm at a place where I feel fairly okay, where I feel proud of myself, and even then, I've come to realize that there's so much more to do, to be...well, okay.
It's long and slow and agonizing at times. But with each step...it does feel worth it, somehow. I still hurt a lot sometimes. I know you must too. I just hope that one day you will find yourself at a point where you can look in the mirror and feel so proud of yourself that you start crying. Where you can accept gifts without guilt, and where you can think of yourself and not feel the weight of everything looming behind you like an unspoken curse or a long forgotten, but not really, monster.
I keep writing more even though I keep thinking that I don't know what to say or how to word it. I have thoughts in my head, wordless ones, images and feelings, but they don't come out right into words. It feels stilted and hollow.
I guess the only thing I can really say is that I hope you get to a place where you feel okay. Not just okay, but really truly okay. Not getting by, not managing, but truly, honestly, okay. I don't know if that makes much sense, but it's the best I can do to word it.
I hope you nothing but good things in your future. Not because of what you've been through or anything you've done. Because of who you are. And who you are is deserving of goodness, in my opinion. Truly.
That's very kind of you. I can only try my best to show support and love for people I see suffering. I went through a lot of shit, very different shit, but shit nonetheless, in my life, and it's taken a lot to get to where I am today. And I'm still trying to get to what I can only describe as a "normal", consistently. Sometimes I'm there, sometimes, somedays, somehow, I end up slipping and I have to work to keep myself from falling back into a place I never want to be in again.
I know I'd want someone to say something like that when I was hurting back then. And again, it's not the same. It'll never be the same. But it's the best I can compare to, and the best I can do to even begin to comprehend someone else's pain.
Life's hard, as many know. I just know that somedays, when I was in a really bad place, a kind comment I read, sometimes not even directed at me, was all I could grasp onto in an effort to keep going. I can't claim to ever be the comment. I can only work to and try to help people hold on, because the idea that someone would suffer all that pain and never get to feel the genuine joy that I've gotten to feel, even for a second, is a thought I can barely bear. The thought that I might not have made it to this point is terrifying to me.
I hope you a wonderful day. And happy new year! :)
This was an incredibly deep and profound game. This made me feel things I don't think i've felt in a long time. I came here in search of something else, and left with a new outlook on life.
amazing game. I was a little confused with the end when Sally sudendly appeared again. But I hope the happy ending is the real one. And I hope the best for you two
Thank you for sharing your experience. I can't really compose my thoughts well, but this game made me feel a lot of things, and I hope you have learned to let others love you, and to love yourself, you deserve it.
This is meant as a compliment, this game made me intensely uncomfortable, in both familiar and unfamiliar ways. It's a good thing. Thank you for sharing your experiences.
This was an amazing game! I know its hard to say something about this type of stuff and im so proud of you for taking such a big step and sharing your experience with the world. I think I have an answer to why your gf made you do sex work: It isnt because she didnt love you its because like you, she didnt know any better. She suffered too but she didnt know a life other than this. You can tell by the way she explains the job. She wanted to help you and in her mind that was the only way. I hope you two live happy lives and get all the happiness you deserve!
Thank you for making this game, despite how difficult it must have been. I hope you have a strong support network to help you in dealing with your trauma.
Thank you for sharing your beautiful, and broken story. I was not aroused by your trauma fortunately. I wish you all of the love in the universe because that is what you deserve!
okay why tf did you feel the need to express to anyone that you weren’t aroused by something?? what purpose did mentioning that serve? you want a cookie for not being aroused over a nasty encounter? I’m genuinely curious.
Because it is directly relevant to the game... They say right at the start that they shared their traumatic story with someone, and that individual responded by saying they were aroused by it.
Wow. This is such an intensely, emotionally raw game, thank you for having the courage to share your experiences like this. I don't think I could ever truly understand exactly how you felt but your emotions and voice came through loud and clear in this, and really resonated with me as another trans person with...complex feelings around sex and being worthy of being loved. I'm sure you already understand this but I just wanted to say you are lovable and important and nothing can take that from you. Nothing.
I hope your days are lighter and more peaceful now, and I wish you all the healing, love, safety, and comfort in the world.
I have no words to describe this game but this down here is the best I have:
you wound yourself
it just hurts endleslly
then the wound heals
there is no more pain and it makes you feel ''new''
and then you admire what was it
you realize, you didnt have to do that to create your future
but at the same time, it helped you realize
and helped you create your future
thats how you ''evolve''
wounds heal, pain ends, you change, and then you admire it, realizing how it goes on, past is what defines the future, what happened there, is what helped you become something else, trouble and wounds, may be part of it, in the end they will heal, you will change, youll admire it, and then realize you are alive, trouble and wounds will hurt, but if you manage to heal, your path will be the best for you, like a dream full of hopes, this is what i would love to call live
Sincerely, your story goes deep, thanks for sharing it, you managed to recover, and seems you are now better than ever, I hope you keep feeling the best, if you ever get wounded in the future, remember that you will heal, youll change, and then realize what it was, I dont have anything else to say but, hope you have lots of good days and remember that we will always Love you, forever
thank you so much for making this game. you put how i feel into words. sex work made me inherently view everything as a transaction too. healing is hard but it is inevitable.
I have friends and mutuals that got into sex work, but I never knew what the experience was like. I never asked, nor did they ever share. I share a lot of the same sentiment from the many comments posted below, so the most I can say is thank you for sharing that experience.
This an amazing piece of art that fills my heart to the brim with emotion, that expresses such complicated and disparate things in an understandable and deeply powerful way. It affected me personally in a way i can't quite describe, but just know i'm so very thankful for you sharing even just pieces of your story with us. Thank you, i wish you the best
Incredible game. I couldn't get too into it since as a trans person it was hitting a little too close to home but... thank you for feeling comfortable enough to share your story.
I don't have much to say but thank you for sharing your story even though it must have been incredibly hard, i hope you feel alright now, after everything that happened, hope you're in a better place right now.
And i hope you'd only have the most wonderful of days, forever and ever.
A beautifully raw game. i won't lie and say i know exactly what you went through. but i can empathize with you. i don't have any encouraging words or pep talks but i hope you know that you're heard. you're seen. you're valid.
I really enjoyed that, or perhaps it would be more accurate to say that I found it very interesting on an emotional level. It was challenging, and I felt the urge to shut the game off more than once, but I'm glad that I didn't. Thank you for sharing your story.
Hello there. I’ve been consistently impressed by your GB Studio games. I have a question I wanted to ask: I have actually been working on a GB Studio game myself, I started with the basic Gb studio engine, but I’ve been struggling to come up with ways to make it better, and so I was wondering if perhaps I could commission you, to look over it, to help the graphics to be improved, and to help me to make it more unique and special. I’ve sent a message to the Twitter you listed on your page and we can discuss things on there further if you would like :)
I'm not trans, I've never done sex work, and I cried multiple times playing this game. I have definitely felt that loneliness, and that sense of "holding a secret" that I feared would destroy a relationship I needed in my life (whether for emotional support or to pay the bills).
I can only imagine how hard this was to make (both in processing it for others to understand, and in being vulnerable enough to post it), and I just wanted to tell you I am grateful that you did it.
If you're down for hugs, I'm sending many your way. I don't want or need a response to this - no paybacks :) - your game said everything I needed to hear.
I just wanted to say thank you for letting me know I'm not alone in all this struggle.
This is really well made I love how it shows when sa happens you don't feel different you feel empty like your body is your only worth, (in my situation at least) it does change you, just not how movies portray it no dramatic music.
That was very painful to read, even though I have no experience with the subject matter it didn't stop me from empathizing hard with the main character. Tbh it's good to have experiences like this shared out here so that it's not only just positive sexy kinky sex experiences that are so commonly shared on the internet, fictional or non. The truth of the matter is that this shit is really messy, and it can become extremely negative and traumatizing for some people. It must have been really hard to make this, and I want you to know that I'm thankful for sharing this game. I hope it felt liberating to put this out there instead of keeping it in. It made me reflect on a lot of things.
this seems like it was really hard to make, much harder than some game which might be more technically demanding
thank you very much for making this, I'm trans too, without income, and trying to find my way, I hope that with stories like this being told no one will have to go through all of this again, too many of my friends and loved ones have had to go through similar
I really appreciate the nuance you took to discussing sex work from the get-go. It's important to highlight how harmful it can be to some sex workers without making it a tool in anti-sex-work narratives/SWERF rhetoric. I am pacing myself through this game because it is affecting me strongly, but I cannot emphasize enough how effective and lovely your storytelling is. Thank you for sharing this with the world. I hope you've found some peace with your experiences and are continuing a life with joy and healing. All the best <3
A story well worth telling and being heard. I hope you got some measure of personal peace from making this game. Shit's rough, but you've endured this far, and that's strength!
i almost never comment on games but i am left speechless and with tears in my eyes. this is an extremely emotionally powerful game and says some things that i think would feel impossible to express in my own words.
this game leaves me with hope that i will not have to "die with my secret". maybe one day i will feel closure.
thank you for making and sharing this game, thank you for your work in helping with the queer games bundle, and i am wishing a very bright and happy future for you. stay safe
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... I don't know what to say but I hope the best come to you Thank You
There were points where I wanted to stop playing this. Not because of lack of quality, but because of the discomfort of real life. The discomfort of what you've experienced.
Other points I nodded along in a mutual understanding of pain and trauma.
I haven't been through things similar to this. But I wanted to hear you out, finish the game, even if I was uncomfortable at times, not at myself or you, or even the game. Just, at life.
As a trans guy, and as someone who has been through trauma, albeit in very different ways, I just want to say that, to some degree, in different ways, as a different person, I can understand how you feel. I don't fully. I never will. But I do understand some of it.
You made me realize something myself. I won't go into it here; this isn't about me or my revelations.
I don't really have anything to say. Cliche words and kind regards don't mean much when you hurt like that. When it's so deep in your mind that it takes years to unravel and slowly build to a place where you feel...okay.
I'm at a place where I feel fairly okay, where I feel proud of myself, and even then, I've come to realize that there's so much more to do, to be...well, okay.
It's long and slow and agonizing at times. But with each step...it does feel worth it, somehow. I still hurt a lot sometimes. I know you must too. I just hope that one day you will find yourself at a point where you can look in the mirror and feel so proud of yourself that you start crying. Where you can accept gifts without guilt, and where you can think of yourself and not feel the weight of everything looming behind you like an unspoken curse or a long forgotten, but not really, monster.
I keep writing more even though I keep thinking that I don't know what to say or how to word it. I have thoughts in my head, wordless ones, images and feelings, but they don't come out right into words. It feels stilted and hollow.
I guess the only thing I can really say is that I hope you get to a place where you feel okay. Not just okay, but really truly okay. Not getting by, not managing, but truly, honestly, okay. I don't know if that makes much sense, but it's the best I can do to word it.
I hope you nothing but good things in your future. Not because of what you've been through or anything you've done. Because of who you are. And who you are is deserving of goodness, in my opinion. Truly.
i had to make an account to say how beautiful this comment is
That's very kind of you. I can only try my best to show support and love for people I see suffering. I went through a lot of shit, very different shit, but shit nonetheless, in my life, and it's taken a lot to get to where I am today. And I'm still trying to get to what I can only describe as a "normal", consistently. Sometimes I'm there, sometimes, somedays, somehow, I end up slipping and I have to work to keep myself from falling back into a place I never want to be in again.
I know I'd want someone to say something like that when I was hurting back then. And again, it's not the same. It'll never be the same. But it's the best I can compare to, and the best I can do to even begin to comprehend someone else's pain.
Life's hard, as many know. I just know that somedays, when I was in a really bad place, a kind comment I read, sometimes not even directed at me, was all I could grasp onto in an effort to keep going. I can't claim to ever be the comment. I can only work to and try to help people hold on, because the idea that someone would suffer all that pain and never get to feel the genuine joy that I've gotten to feel, even for a second, is a thought I can barely bear. The thought that I might not have made it to this point is terrifying to me.
I hope you a wonderful day. And happy new year! :)
Not much I could say, that wouldn't be making the experience about myself. I hope you continue to let yourself feel loved.
Wow. I got the happy ending. I sincerely hope you did, too. Please know that you matter.
This was an incredibly deep and profound game. This made me feel things I don't think i've felt in a long time. I came here in search of something else, and left with a new outlook on life.
Thank you.
amazing game. I was a little confused with the end when Sally sudendly appeared again. But I hope the happy ending is the real one. And I hope the best for you two
Me reading the title of the game..
Thank you for this game
Thank you for sharing your experience. I can't really compose my thoughts well, but this game made me feel a lot of things, and I hope you have learned to let others love you, and to love yourself, you deserve it.
This is meant as a compliment, this game made me intensely uncomfortable, in both familiar and unfamiliar ways. It's a good thing. Thank you for sharing your experiences.
thank you
Thank you for creating this experience. Specifically, the long walk back home is intensely empty.
Thanks for sharing your memories and feelings. Hope you're feeling better each day now. Hope the happy end I get was your true story
Take care
(Your game is visually great, I love how you did all characters and "windows" in the landscape!)
This was an amazing game! I know its hard to say something about this type of stuff and im so proud of you for taking such a big step and sharing your experience with the world. I think I have an answer to why your gf made you do sex work: It isnt because she didnt love you its because like you, she didnt know any better. She suffered too but she didnt know a life other than this. You can tell by the way she explains the job. She wanted to help you and in her mind that was the only way. I hope you two live happy lives and get all the happiness you deserve!
-Saiden <3
Thank you.
I'm sorry that you've gone through this. I'm grateful that you shared with us, and I hope that you can find some happiness in your life.
You have affected so many people, and I hope they can be kinder and more accepting for it.
Thank you for making this game, despite how difficult it must have been. I hope you have a strong support network to help you in dealing with your trauma.
Thank you for sharing your beautiful, and broken story. I was not aroused by your trauma fortunately. I wish you all of the love in the universe because that is what you deserve!
okay why tf did you feel the need to express to anyone that you weren’t aroused by something?? what purpose did mentioning that serve? you want a cookie for not being aroused over a nasty encounter? I’m genuinely curious.
Because it is directly relevant to the game... They say right at the start that they shared their traumatic story with someone, and that individual responded by saying they were aroused by it.
Me pegó muy fuerte. También soy trans y he vivido experiencias similares; no pude evitar llorar.
i dont like this game
Wow. This is such an intensely, emotionally raw game, thank you for having the courage to share your experiences like this. I don't think I could ever truly understand exactly how you felt but your emotions and voice came through loud and clear in this, and really resonated with me as another trans person with...complex feelings around sex and being worthy of being loved. I'm sure you already understand this but I just wanted to say you are lovable and important and nothing can take that from you. Nothing.
I hope your days are lighter and more peaceful now, and I wish you all the healing, love, safety, and comfort in the world.
dude im just at a loss for words, you made some beautiful shit here man.
you're amazing and love,
- Beancocktail
this is painful and incredible and thank you for sharing, absolutely beautiful writing in this
I have no words to describe this game but this down here is the best I have:
you wound yourself
it just hurts endleslly
then the wound heals
there is no more pain and it makes you feel ''new''
and then you admire what was it
you realize, you didnt have to do that to create your future
but at the same time, it helped you realize
and helped you create your future
thats how you ''evolve''
wounds heal, pain ends, you change, and then you admire it, realizing how it goes on, past is what defines the future, what happened there, is what helped you become something else, trouble and wounds, may be part of it, in the end they will heal, you will change, youll admire it, and then realize you are alive, trouble and wounds will hurt, but if you manage to heal, your path will be the best for you, like a dream full of hopes, this is what i would love to call live
Sincerely, your story goes deep, thanks for sharing it, you managed to recover, and seems you are now better than ever, I hope you keep feeling the best, if you ever get wounded in the future, remember that you will heal, youll change, and then realize what it was, I dont have anything else to say but, hope you have lots of good days and remember that we will always Love you, forever
Thank you for sharing your story
Thanks for making this game!
thank you so much for making this game. you put how i feel into words. sex work made me inherently view everything as a transaction too. healing is hard but it is inevitable.
I have friends and mutuals that got into sex work, but I never knew what the experience was like. I never asked, nor did they ever share. I share a lot of the same sentiment from the many comments posted below, so the most I can say is thank you for sharing that experience.
This an amazing piece of art that fills my heart to the brim with emotion, that expresses such complicated and disparate things in an understandable and deeply powerful way.
It affected me personally in a way i can't quite describe, but just know i'm so very thankful for you sharing even just pieces of your story with us.
Thank you, i wish you the best
Incredible game. I couldn't get too into it since as a trans person it was hitting a little too close to home but... thank you for feeling comfortable enough to share your story.
Wow, this was heavy...
I don't have much to say but thank you for sharing your story even though it must have been incredibly hard, i hope you feel alright now, after everything that happened, hope you're in a better place right now.
And i hope you'd only have the most wonderful of days, forever and ever.
A beautifully raw game. i won't lie and say i know exactly what you went through. but i can empathize with you. i don't have any encouraging words or pep talks but i hope you know that you're heard. you're seen. you're valid.
honestly felt the same way but couldnt put the feeling into words.
I really enjoyed that, or perhaps it would be more accurate to say that I found it very interesting on an emotional level. It was challenging, and I felt the urge to shut the game off more than once, but I'm glad that I didn't. Thank you for sharing your story.
Hello there. I’ve been consistently impressed by your GB Studio games. I have a question I wanted to ask: I have actually been working on a GB Studio game myself, I started with the basic Gb studio engine, but I’ve been struggling to come up with ways to make it better, and so I was wondering if perhaps I could commission you, to look over it, to help the graphics to be improved, and to help me to make it more unique and special. I’ve sent a message to the Twitter you listed on your page and we can discuss things on there further if you would like :)
I'm not trans, I've never done sex work, and I cried multiple times playing this game. I have definitely felt that loneliness, and that sense of "holding a secret" that I feared would destroy a relationship I needed in my life (whether for emotional support or to pay the bills).
I can only imagine how hard this was to make (both in processing it for others to understand, and in being vulnerable enough to post it), and I just wanted to tell you I am grateful that you did it.
If you're down for hugs, I'm sending many your way. I don't want or need a response to this - no paybacks :) - your game said everything I needed to hear.
I just wanted to say thank you for letting me know I'm not alone in all this struggle.
This is really well made I love how it shows when sa happens you don't feel different you feel empty like your body is your only worth, (in my situation at least) it does change you, just not how movies portray it no dramatic music.
That was very painful to read, even though I have no experience with the subject matter it didn't stop me from empathizing hard with the main character. Tbh it's good to have experiences like this shared out here so that it's not only just positive sexy kinky sex experiences that are so commonly shared on the internet, fictional or non. The truth of the matter is that this shit is really messy, and it can become extremely negative and traumatizing for some people. It must have been really hard to make this, and I want you to know that I'm thankful for sharing this game. I hope it felt liberating to put this out there instead of keeping it in. It made me reflect on a lot of things.
this seems like it was really hard to make, much harder than some game which might be more technically demanding
thank you very much for making this, I'm trans too, without income, and trying to find my way, I hope that with stories like this being told no one will have to go through all of this again, too many of my friends and loved ones have had to go through similar
I really appreciate the nuance you took to discussing sex work from the get-go. It's important to highlight how harmful it can be to some sex workers without making it a tool in anti-sex-work narratives/SWERF rhetoric.
I am pacing myself through this game because it is affecting me strongly, but I cannot emphasize enough how effective and lovely your storytelling is. Thank you for sharing this with the world. I hope you've found some peace with your experiences and are continuing a life with joy and healing. All the best <3
A story well worth telling and being heard. I hope you got some measure of personal peace from making this game. Shit's rough, but you've endured this far, and that's strength!
i almost never comment on games but i am left speechless and with tears in my eyes. this is an extremely emotionally powerful game and says some things that i think would feel impossible to express in my own words.
this game leaves me with hope that i will not have to "die with my secret". maybe one day i will feel closure.
thank you for making and sharing this game, thank you for your work in helping with the queer games bundle, and i am wishing a very bright and happy future for you. stay safe
Thank you for sharing your story