Thank you for sharing your story. I come from a quite different experience and throughout the game I wish I could give your little sprite a hug for all you've been through. I mean, the graphics convey it really well and some surprise choices, but I felt the pain while playing. Especially when the deadname came up... I don't know how to explain, it felt like a stab, even if there were also other highly triggering topics. And also, for what the words of a stranger on the internet may count, I wanted to tell you it's NOT your fault. It's the people who exploited you in such a vulnerable moment of your life that should feel guilty and ashamed, not you. I hope you're doing better now, please continue devving also, you have talent!
Considering that I am a cisgender computer programmer from Spain and considering how different my life experience has been from yours, I'm surprised by how much this story has emotionally resonated with me. I think writing stories like these (and sharing them with people like me, who don't know you and probably won't get to know you in person) is something extremely brave, and I really do hope it helps you to heal yourself.
I really do think that you will be able to let people love you again. But for that, you have to stop believing that there is something "broken" inside you. There is not: there's only a part of you that is afraid, and that eventually (and with a little help from your will) will stop feeling afraid and start opening up.
"He fucked the girl out of me" is a very strong phrase, but it's not true. The "girl" (the innocence, if you will) is still there and will come out eventually. Innocence can be relearned.
On a totally unrelated note, I was surprised to see GBStudio used for stories as personal as this one. I think you've done an exceptional job in both the telling of the situation and the pacing. While I don't think this piece will be the best you'll ever do, I think it's an excellent start, and I'll be following your work closely.
This game honestly made me cry throughout a lot of it. I related very heavily to the feelings as a very traumatized repeated SA victim, and as a trans person. Something about it puts into words things I can barely even think without spiraling into dissociation. Thank you for telling your story.
I created this account because I wanted to at least give you a message. It's from a stranger and it's not really much, but I want you to at least see it.
1. Thank you. Thank you for speaking out into what I'm certain was an intense and daunting void. Because that void has heard you. It means something, no matter how little it may feel. You've spoken and have been heard. That's one of the biggest steps it takes to heal. I know from experience what it takes to deal with trauma-for me most recently, trauma about coming out and being able to accept what that actually means, being willing to actually step out and get it away with.
Guilt really defines the struggles I currently have. It's probably related in some way to the trauma I have. It's not the same trauma, but it's similar enough to actually empathize. I know that fear of abandonment, of guilt over acts out of my control or of miniature wrongs or of any litany of absurd things to be guilty, and I know that view of human connection becoming a transaction. I wish you didn't. I wish no one did.
That wish only sometimes includes me, and that's the problem. I suspect you know what that feels like as well. You shouldn't, and neither should I. That wish, whether or not I like it at any given time, is for people, and broken people are still people.
I've only recently begun my process of deconstruction, of trying to face those fragments. We're close to the same point of unpacking years upon years of trauma. I know that pain, I hear it and I know it. Every moment is a battle to face. Because anonymity is liberating, I can say personally that it is hell to try and relive, unpack, understand, process, and heal from being nearly knocked out in a pool of water by a stone to the head and to even be able to piece together what actually happened.
I'm not going to make this a personal vent, however. I just know what it feels like to go through this, to speak the pain, to heal, and especially to get help. It doesn't take illegality to keep me silent, I'm lucky to live when I do: I'm not illegal. But illegality is only part of a repressive, bigoted society. And it's the latter that silences, the law is just a violent enforcement of it.
Silence being broken is the way we get past it and heal from that repression. We've both broken it. And I can tell from everyone before me that you will have the community that actually knows you that will support you. If strangers hear and give back their care, you'll be in good hands with the people you know.
It's hard to rekindle "normal" connection. But you deserve it, you can do it, you will get it back.
You'll be okay.
2. I'm sorry. I can't have done anything, but I am so, so very sorry. I'm sorry but sorry doesn't cut it. I'm sorry maybe because I wish someone heard when I needed it and I wish someone had stepped in. I'm sorry because we live in a world where this is "normal." I'm sorry I'm one person too late to change things for you.
I'm not sure how to put it into words, but this game felt very clear in its message, your message, in a powerful way. Being made to make those decisions myself, regardless of my disconnect through a computer monitor, felt like an unbearable weight. While I can only sympathize, I hope the best for you and your future endeavors. Take it easy out there.
This made me realize that I have similar feelings and experiences if not the same story. I felt at least a small sense of peace at realizing there are others who have had sexual encounters where they aren't sure if it was consensual or not. I hope that your healing journey is seen through til the end (if there is one) - there's peace in knowing I'm not going through my journey alone.
There are some things that we don't/can't/won't share with other people, for our own reasons.
I was a very guilt-driven person in my youth, and the only thing strong enough to supplant that was my long period of disillusionment and nihilism born from pain inflicted by real, ordinary people.
I grew up terrified of being hurt by people and I still somehow found ways to be surprised when the hurt inevitably came at the hands of people who said and did awful things... not because they had to, but because they wanted to.
Because they became disillusioned with humanity's infinite capacity for cruelty, either because they were hurt by it, or they thought that a few news reports were enough to put them at the top of the intellectual food chain. Because they thought it was funny.
Either way, they hurt me with the excuses of cynicism and nihilism and misanthropy. I thought I could tough it out and help fix the past by convincing them to see the error of their ways, but all it did was make them double down on their own cruelty, and that's when I learned that kindness and honesty don't mean much in a vacuum. Same for the golden rule.
That sort of hurt doesn't leave you with a strong emotion. It leaves you with an empty, cold feeling in your center that tears at you over and over, because no number of words could ever be enough to help you or help others help you, because they either can't or won't understand.
That's what it means to face injustice, or any sort of problem that can't be tackled head on.
It eats away at you until there is nothing left but to give up on everything the world has to offer. Because there's no point in playing along with a joke that isn't funny in any sort of context.
And that alone is enough for witty people to treat you like an inhuman being and get away with it with a sneer and an audience full of witty people.
I stumbled around in the dark, facing the doom of my own nihilism... until I found something that gave me my own hope back.
A strange, whimsical JRPG with Disney characters.
I managed to find a reason to keep caring about the world we live in, by finding honest value in a simple tale of honest friendship in a world where people do value honesty and kindness.
I found something to ground me in a sea full of black noise that persists to this day, and for me, that's enough.
People can mock you for finding inspiration in something they choose to see as stupid, but it's always okay to embrace something stupid if it gives you a reason to have meaning again.
Because sometimes, you have to be selfish for your own sake and the sake of the people who matter.
I can tell that it took a lot for you to create this story.
I wish you the best with your future endeavor.
Thank you very much for this cathartic experience.
I'm so sorry you had to deal with so much and what didnt fit in the game. Your story is incredibly heartfelt, though, it would be so much better if things weren't this unfortunate for you, and so many others. Your work is outstanding and you are absolutely amazing for surviving all of this, i wish you the best, Taylor!
The "it's no one's fault but my own" line really struck me. If I could tell my past traumatized self anything, it's that the terrible things that happened, the unfortunate circumstances that you were born in and find yourself in later, are not your fault. You are worthy of love and respect!
This is a beautiful, scary, sad game, and I hope that the author is okay. To tell the truth, I haven't usually been that interested in auto-bio games. This one was so well written that it immediately pulled me in. Taylor, if you ever read this, I'm sorry for what happened to you, and I hope you find peace. You are lovable.
I played this a little over a week ago, and I'm only just "getting over" the experience. I'll try to leave a more articulate review in the future, because this game absolutely deserves it, but for now I will say that it is a beautifully crafted and truly devastating experience. I don't know why, but the scene where you pick out food at the convenience store is what got me to cry. Not even the gut-punch at the checkout, just picking out your snacks and saying you don't have to worry about the money, you can get whatever you want. Maybe because it reminded me of being a little kid and getting a treat at the gas station on Fridays. A very simple, innocent pleasure, and it's sad because of that simplicity and innocence in the face of everything else happening. I don't know. It's hard to explain, or even figure out in my own mind. This is a game that is hard to recommend to people, but I feel like I'd be doing them a disservice by not telling them to play it. Thanks for sharing this very vulnerable thing with us. I hope it has been a positive experience, or at least cathartic.
I'll have to return to this at some point for another playthrough. Gave it a first play today and was surprised to find some aspects of the represented experiences really resonated with me.
I have a personal trauma history that includes financial abuse, you've conveyed things I haven't been able to nail down and communicate really. The complexities of social performance and masking in response to a gift. The uncertainty and contradicting needs and emotions that throw me down a bottomless well of self doubt.
"I didn't feel any different" hit me too. I've tended to notice the feelings coming in later in smaller ways.
I really appreciate this game. I understand it took a lottt of work to make something this polished to provide a tonally consistent response in the player while still being playable. The fact you've created something that elicits these kinds of responses within the constraints of this format is honestly really impressive.
Thank you, communicating the issues with getting gifts or having relationships was one of the hardest parts about the game to explain. I really wanted to explain those parts because it's hard for people to "get" that sort of thing through just talking.
Games are powerful because there is a doing aspect and some stuff only makes sense after you've done it.
I couldn't get everything about how it changes your relationship with people because of scale but I'm glad I could at least convey what bits I did get.
My brain is starting to melt right now since I'm really tired but the long changes are just idk, something I wanted to communicate. It's not just bad stuff happened but also a change in self.
It was a lot of work to make this game and I felt it was absolutely doomed when I made it. That no one would want to play it, so I really appreciate you caring enough to play it and say something.
Since I'm not trans or a sex worker, this game isn't very relatable to me. However, the art and storytelling in this game is well done so props for that. Definitely makes up for the minimal gameplay :)
Some aspects of this game would have worked better as a graphic novel or essay but at it's core it still had to be a game to communicate what I needed.
Narrative design and game writing are hard so I appreciate your kind words. Thank you for commenting.
You can't install the game on your PC in a traditional way but you can download the .gb file and play the game in any emulator that plays gameboy games.
I mainly used visual boy advance with the real colors setting turned on but web browser is a good way to experience the game too.
Thank you, my next game probably won't be as good or as deep. I don't think I can make another game like this ever again but I still think they'll still have value.
Thank you Nin, I really appreciated seeing your comments on every game and just being really nice to me. (I am absolutely thrilled you watched "saving you from yourself part 2, like less than 20 people have ever seen that. It's a really big deal to me.)
So idk, just thank you a lot for being so kind to me.
A very hurtful story to watch. I hope you can get even better. Playing the game makes me feel nausea and sad due to how real and traumatic it is. I can't convey much words because I'm not a native English speaker, but as I said hope you can get more and more happy.
Thank you for playing my game to the end. I appreciated thhat you asked before posting this, you didn't have to but it was nice.
I never got to see anyone else play my game ever. To be honest, I think it would be kinda tough to be in the same room as people playing my game.
That being said, seeing parts you got confused at was data I wish I had when making this game. I could've used that to make it less confusing.
I appreciated also getting to see what choices you make. Sometimes I really wondered if people would end up loving Sally or not. I'm glad you could love her.
The strangest thing was getting to see my perspective flipped on me through someone else's eyes. Seeing your own life from a third person view is just idk, I can't explain it.
Anyways thank you for this, I hope you are okay now. Making this game was my attempt to break out of the bubble of shame and it helped a lot.
Thank you as well for developing this game and telling this story. It was hard to tell it, but I'm glad you are finally be able to breathe more from now. It also gives me an insight of what could or what happens in live. I hope you can live more happier and better.
thank you for making a beautiful game. i'm sorry that you have to go through this. and i'm sorry that stories like this often get lost or outright dismissed amidst the positivity-at-all-costs discussion around SW, despite how common similar stories to this can be in reality. i hope youre doing at least a little better now ;v;!
I am doing a lot better now that my shame isn't that sort of deep "die with a secret shame no one can know" sorta deal.
Positivity at all costs really damaged me and made me have a lot of issues with my stuff. I still think people can have good experiences and make a good living.
I just also wanted to idk just not hurt so badly and be allowed to hurt and feel shame and all that weird emotional stuff.
I'm ranting since I'm really tired but thank you for playing my game, I'm glad you see value in it. I went through some fucked up stuff but at least it resulted in some good in the world and I'm grateful for that.
Yeah like 1 text-based game made with SBCL and LTK, which is more like a tech demo. Not sure what you are getting at. This game is shitty af no offence.
The other 3 games might be shitty sure but they can at least qualify as some sort of game.
So, f*ck off.
Nin, I really appreciate you going out on a limb and being like grr to this guy but no one needs to be blacklisted by anyone.
I am fully aware some people feel I suck and I don't want to destroy people's careers or anything like that just because they told me what they honestly think about how I make games.
Honestly their comments are far kinder than the response I thought this game would get. It's okay.
I'm going to be honest, I thought about your comment a lot.
Structurally, parts of the game would have made more sense as an essay, such as the first few minutes of the game. Other parts genuinely would have been better as a graphic novel.
The issue is that some parts of the game only make sense and work in the format of games. There is no spoiler key I think in itch comments. I don't want to spoiler my own game but some parts of it would only have worked in game format.
The vending machine, sample taking, 7-11 scene, the inbox, and the walk home absolutely only work in the context of games interaction. They were verb actions and only work in the medium known as "games".
This work was messy because it combined graphic novel, essay, and verb actions into a broadly based "games" format.
You are right that it absolutely right that it isn't entirely a verb based game like how puyo puyo or tetris would be. I still think it has value and other people believe that as well.
I also want to note, I'm going to keep making stuff however I feel fit. It is not your choice to determine how or what I make.
I'm not good at English, but I really like this game,like the color design and choice design, I can't describe my feeling exactly. I hope you will be ok.
Thank you for making and sharing this. I hope it has eased some of the pain in some way. It's a real and beautiful game and im so sorry about everything you went through, both stuff in this game and not
Made me tear up. Beautiful game filled with horrifying memories. The portrayal of some scenes was gut-wrenching. My deepest respect to you for making that game. I hope you are doing well
Amazing game. I just love it. It really is a 30-minute trip into pieces of memories, intimacy and traumas. It is a moving game and a powerful story. Thank you for sharing this publicly. I know this game was difficult and challenging to create for you and I’m happy I’ve played through it. GB Studio is perfect for this type of game too. Congratulations!!!
This is absolutely unrelenting. Where some might time skip because it might be too uncomfortable, you continued. The quietness works so well toward that. Thank you for sharing your experiences.
It is okay to take your time to process it. Someday I would like to hear your thoughts but also if you end up being busy or life happens that is cool too.
I know you are busy and it means a ton to me that you took the time to play it so soon after launch.
"I didn't feel different. I was just here like I've always been."
This was, in a word, difficult. It's impossible not to go through this without thinking at one point or another how bad something sounds, and quite often, for conflicting reasons. It does an incredible job of sharing a problem, but not forcing it, even if it's on a topic that is far too real to call 'well constructed'. The objective stance taken on several things, despite how easy it would be to turn any one of them into some kind of mouthpiece for an agenda, is beyond admirable.
And the ability not to blame others, even more so.
Sharing your experience like this will undoubtedly bring a slew of people lying about their own just to relate to it better or for attention, but plenty of others with real trauma just like this will also see it. Sifting through the false and real accounts or not, something like this might just save a life, be it from death or just trauma, and that's an incredible thing. It likely doesn't make what you went through any easier, but at least you know that in one way or another, you're helping people.
Thank you for your kind words. I honestly thought that no one would play this game. While making it, I thought that no one wants to hear depressing stuff but I kept going because I wanted to overcome my shame.
Keeping a secret until you die is a horrible way to live. Thank you for taking the time to play this to the end and seeing value in this.
There's often value in silence, but even more so in breaking it. It just depends on who you break it to. I don't doubt that most people try to avoid depressing things like this, but those that don't have a lot to glean from it, both good and bad. It's very real, and very powerful to those willing to give it the time it deserves.
I'm so glad you don't have to live with that secret any longer, and even if it is just through an online medium, I'm happy that you were able to share it with far more people than you could have expected. I wish you all the best going forward, and I hope that your struggles, efforts to share them, and future endeavors are met with success.
I'm grateful to have shared in your experiences in such a beautiful and honest way. I have experiences not unlike yours shared this game and it's comforting to know I'm not alone in my struggles and my trauma.
You're not alone, you can and will be loved, and I hope and trust that you will come to let yourself be loved.
I look forward to more of your stories and more of your games
After a lot of years I forgot that I wasn't alone and my experiences weren't uncommon.
It's easy to be safe and avoid people rather than connect on a deeper level, I hope someday I can love and be loved by someone. For now though, making games is enough. I am glad we both get to share the path of being artists.
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Thank you for sharing your story.
I come from a quite different experience and throughout the game I wish I could give your little sprite a hug for all you've been through. I mean, the graphics convey it really well and some surprise choices, but I felt the pain while playing. Especially when the deadname came up... I don't know how to explain, it felt like a stab, even if there were also other highly triggering topics.
And also, for what the words of a stranger on the internet may count, I wanted to tell you it's NOT your fault. It's the people who exploited you in such a vulnerable moment of your life that should feel guilty and ashamed, not you. I hope you're doing better now, please continue devving also, you have talent!
Considering that I am a cisgender computer programmer from Spain and considering how different my life experience has been from yours, I'm surprised by how much this story has emotionally resonated with me. I think writing stories like these (and sharing them with people like me, who don't know you and probably won't get to know you in person) is something extremely brave, and I really do hope it helps you to heal yourself.
I really do think that you will be able to let people love you again. But for that, you have to stop believing that there is something "broken" inside you. There is not: there's only a part of you that is afraid, and that eventually (and with a little help from your will) will stop feeling afraid and start opening up.
"He fucked the girl out of me" is a very strong phrase, but it's not true. The "girl" (the innocence, if you will) is still there and will come out eventually. Innocence can be relearned.
On a totally unrelated note, I was surprised to see GBStudio used for stories as personal as this one. I think you've done an exceptional job in both the telling of the situation and the pacing. While I don't think this piece will be the best you'll ever do, I think it's an excellent start, and I'll be following your work closely.
Sorry for my awful English :)
This game honestly made me cry throughout a lot of it. I related very heavily to the feelings as a very traumatized repeated SA victim, and as a trans person. Something about it puts into words things I can barely even think without spiraling into dissociation. Thank you for telling your story.
I created this account because I wanted to at least give you a message. It's from a stranger and it's not really much, but I want you to at least see it.
1. Thank you. Thank you for speaking out into what I'm certain was an intense and daunting void. Because that void has heard you. It means something, no matter how little it may feel. You've spoken and have been heard. That's one of the biggest steps it takes to heal. I know from experience what it takes to deal with trauma-for me most recently, trauma about coming out and being able to accept what that actually means, being willing to actually step out and get it away with.
Guilt really defines the struggles I currently have. It's probably related in some way to the trauma I have. It's not the same trauma, but it's similar enough to actually empathize. I know that fear of abandonment, of guilt over acts out of my control or of miniature wrongs or of any litany of absurd things to be guilty, and I know that view of human connection becoming a transaction. I wish you didn't. I wish no one did.
That wish only sometimes includes me, and that's the problem. I suspect you know what that feels like as well. You shouldn't, and neither should I. That wish, whether or not I like it at any given time, is for people, and broken people are still people.
I've only recently begun my process of deconstruction, of trying to face those fragments. We're close to the same point of unpacking years upon years of trauma. I know that pain, I hear it and I know it. Every moment is a battle to face. Because anonymity is liberating, I can say personally that it is hell to try and relive, unpack, understand, process, and heal from being nearly knocked out in a pool of water by a stone to the head and to even be able to piece together what actually happened.
I'm not going to make this a personal vent, however. I just know what it feels like to go through this, to speak the pain, to heal, and especially to get help. It doesn't take illegality to keep me silent, I'm lucky to live when I do: I'm not illegal. But illegality is only part of a repressive, bigoted society. And it's the latter that silences, the law is just a violent enforcement of it.
Silence being broken is the way we get past it and heal from that repression. We've both broken it. And I can tell from everyone before me that you will have the community that actually knows you that will support you. If strangers hear and give back their care, you'll be in good hands with the people you know.
It's hard to rekindle "normal" connection. But you deserve it, you can do it, you will get it back.
You'll be okay.
2. I'm sorry. I can't have done anything, but I am so, so very sorry. I'm sorry but sorry doesn't cut it. I'm sorry maybe because I wish someone heard when I needed it and I wish someone had stepped in. I'm sorry because we live in a world where this is "normal." I'm sorry I'm one person too late to change things for you.
I'm sorry.
Maybe I'll come back and have more to say.
I'm not sure how to put it into words, but this game felt very clear in its message, your message, in a powerful way. Being made to make those decisions myself, regardless of my disconnect through a computer monitor, felt like an unbearable weight. While I can only sympathize, I hope the best for you and your future endeavors. Take it easy out there.
This made me realize that I have similar feelings and experiences if not the same story. I felt at least a small sense of peace at realizing there are others who have had sexual encounters where they aren't sure if it was consensual or not. I hope that your healing journey is seen through til the end (if there is one) - there's peace in knowing I'm not going through my journey alone.
There are some things that we don't/can't/won't share with other people, for our own reasons.
I was a very guilt-driven person in my youth, and the only thing strong enough to supplant that was my long period of disillusionment and nihilism born from pain inflicted by real, ordinary people.
I grew up terrified of being hurt by people and I still somehow found ways to be surprised when the hurt inevitably came at the hands of people who said and did awful things... not because they had to, but because they wanted to.
Because they became disillusioned with humanity's infinite capacity for cruelty, either because they were hurt by it, or they thought that a few news reports were enough to put them at the top of the intellectual food chain. Because they thought it was funny.
Either way, they hurt me with the excuses of cynicism and nihilism and misanthropy. I thought I could tough it out and help fix the past by convincing them to see the error of their ways, but all it did was make them double down on their own cruelty, and that's when I learned that kindness and honesty don't mean much in a vacuum. Same for the golden rule.
That sort of hurt doesn't leave you with a strong emotion. It leaves you with an empty, cold feeling in your center that tears at you over and over, because no number of words could ever be enough to help you or help others help you, because they either can't or won't understand.
That's what it means to face injustice, or any sort of problem that can't be tackled head on.
It eats away at you until there is nothing left but to give up on everything the world has to offer. Because there's no point in playing along with a joke that isn't funny in any sort of context.
And that alone is enough for witty people to treat you like an inhuman being and get away with it with a sneer and an audience full of witty people.
I stumbled around in the dark, facing the doom of my own nihilism... until I found something that gave me my own hope back.
A strange, whimsical JRPG with Disney characters.
I managed to find a reason to keep caring about the world we live in, by finding honest value in a simple tale of honest friendship in a world where people do value honesty and kindness.
I found something to ground me in a sea full of black noise that persists to this day, and for me, that's enough.
People can mock you for finding inspiration in something they choose to see as stupid, but it's always okay to embrace something stupid if it gives you a reason to have meaning again.
Because sometimes, you have to be selfish for your own sake and the sake of the people who matter.
I can tell that it took a lot for you to create this story.
I wish you the best with your future endeavor.
Thank you very much for this cathartic experience.
I think playing this unintentionally peeled back some layers of repression on my own trauma and helped me understand myself better.
Thank you for sharing such a personal story.
wow
I'm so sorry you had to deal with so much and what didnt fit in the game. Your story is incredibly heartfelt, though, it would be so much better if things weren't this unfortunate for you, and so many others. Your work is outstanding and you are absolutely amazing for surviving all of this, i wish you the best, Taylor!
The "it's no one's fault but my own" line really struck me. If I could tell my past traumatized self anything, it's that the terrible things that happened, the unfortunate circumstances that you were born in and find yourself in later, are not your fault. You are worthy of love and respect!
This is a beautiful, scary, sad game, and I hope that the author is okay. To tell the truth, I haven't usually been that interested in auto-bio games. This one was so well written that it immediately pulled me in. Taylor, if you ever read this, I'm sorry for what happened to you, and I hope you find peace. You are lovable.
I played this a little over a week ago, and I'm only just "getting over" the experience. I'll try to leave a more articulate review in the future, because this game absolutely deserves it, but for now I will say that it is a beautifully crafted and truly devastating experience. I don't know why, but the scene where you pick out food at the convenience store is what got me to cry. Not even the gut-punch at the checkout, just picking out your snacks and saying you don't have to worry about the money, you can get whatever you want. Maybe because it reminded me of being a little kid and getting a treat at the gas station on Fridays. A very simple, innocent pleasure, and it's sad because of that simplicity and innocence in the face of everything else happening. I don't know. It's hard to explain, or even figure out in my own mind. This is a game that is hard to recommend to people, but I feel like I'd be doing them a disservice by not telling them to play it. Thanks for sharing this very vulnerable thing with us. I hope it has been a positive experience, or at least cathartic.
this, is just, wow. I hope your okay wherever you are. This is beautiful and sad. But strangely comforting. Just thank you for making this
Is this something you can actually fap to, or is it another one of those "feel sorry for me" games?
I am 100% certain there are some people who could absolutely masturbate to this game.
Unfortunately for you, this game is probably something most people will not find sexually gratifying.
Fortunately itch has plenty of adult games, I hope you find what you are looking for.
I'll have to return to this at some point for another playthrough. Gave it a first play today and was surprised to find some aspects of the represented experiences really resonated with me.
I have a personal trauma history that includes financial abuse, you've conveyed things I haven't been able to nail down and communicate really. The complexities of social performance and masking in response to a gift. The uncertainty and contradicting needs and emotions that throw me down a bottomless well of self doubt.
"I didn't feel any different" hit me too. I've tended to notice the feelings coming in later in smaller ways.
I really appreciate this game. I understand it took a lottt of work to make something this polished to provide a tonally consistent response in the player while still being playable. The fact you've created something that elicits these kinds of responses within the constraints of this format is honestly really impressive.
Thank you, communicating the issues with getting gifts or having relationships was one of the hardest parts about the game to explain. I really wanted to explain those parts because it's hard for people to "get" that sort of thing through just talking.
Games are powerful because there is a doing aspect and some stuff only makes sense after you've done it.
I couldn't get everything about how it changes your relationship with people because of scale but I'm glad I could at least convey what bits I did get.
My brain is starting to melt right now since I'm really tired but the long changes are just idk, something I wanted to communicate. It's not just bad stuff happened but also a change in self.
It was a lot of work to make this game and I felt it was absolutely doomed when I made it. That no one would want to play it, so I really appreciate you caring enough to play it and say something.
Since I'm not trans or a sex worker, this game isn't very relatable to me. However, the art and storytelling in this game is well done so props for that. Definitely makes up for the minimal gameplay :)
Some aspects of this game would have worked better as a graphic novel or essay but at it's core it still had to be a game to communicate what I needed.
Narrative design and game writing are hard so I appreciate your kind words. Thank you for commenting.
Hope you have a good day, I'll make sure to check out your other work
You can't install the game on your PC in a traditional way but you can download the .gb file and play the game in any emulator that plays gameboy games.
I mainly used visual boy advance with the real colors setting turned on but web browser is a good way to experience the game too.
Cried. Very hard to sit through. Sometimes you just read something and it sounds like something you know but you pretend like you don't.
Some games you sit down and play and you forget about them. They don't sound like anything you've felt or will feel. This is the exact opposite.
That made it even more healing. Thanks for somehow daring to spend hours making this and putting it here.
I am glad that it could be a healing experience for you.
Sometimes healing stuff can be really painful and that's why we avoid them.
I respect that you were able and willing to face something painful and I'm grateful you were able to get something out of it.
Thank you.
this was beautiful yet painful game to play. still, wonderful work. i look forward to any games you may come out with in the future.
Thank you, my next game probably won't be as good or as deep. I don't think I can make another game like this ever again but I still think they'll still have value.
no worries!! i can see that you take a lot of care and effort into your games, so whatever you have next im sure will be great!
damn.
yeah.
i don't know how to describe the way i identified myself with this game
i could feel most of these things and even those that haven't happened to me
the inbox messages and feeling of emptyness made me reflect a bit
that's a great resource
Thank you, I am glad it could be something useful and have value to you.
I've already commented on Twitter but I want to say again: thank you for sharing, and I wish you all the best
Thank you Nin, I really appreciated seeing your comments on every game and just being really nice to me. (I am absolutely thrilled you watched "saving you from yourself part 2, like less than 20 people have ever seen that. It's a really big deal to me.)
So idk, just thank you a lot for being so kind to me.
<3
Thank you for the heart emoji!
Wow. Thank you for sharing your story in such a beautiful way. I hope creating this game helped you heal and process the trauma a bit.
It helped me with my shame a whole lot. I went from planning on dying with a secret to just being a more okay person.
Thank you for playing this to the end.
Thank you for playing my game to the end. I appreciated thhat you asked before posting this, you didn't have to but it was nice.
I never got to see anyone else play my game ever. To be honest, I think it would be kinda tough to be in the same room as people playing my game.
That being said, seeing parts you got confused at was data I wish I had when making this game. I could've used that to make it less confusing.
I appreciated also getting to see what choices you make. Sometimes I really wondered if people would end up loving Sally or not. I'm glad you could love her.
The strangest thing was getting to see my perspective flipped on me through someone else's eyes. Seeing your own life from a third person view is just idk, I can't explain it.
Anyways thank you for this, I hope you are okay now. Making this game was my attempt to break out of the bubble of shame and it helped a lot.
I appreciate your hard work playing this game.
Thank you as well for developing this game and telling this story. It was hard to tell it, but I'm glad you are finally be able to breathe more from now. It also gives me an insight of what could or what happens in live. I hope you can live more happier and better.
thank you for making a beautiful game. i'm sorry that you have to go through this. and i'm sorry that stories like this often get lost or outright dismissed amidst the positivity-at-all-costs discussion around SW, despite how common similar stories to this can be in reality. i hope youre doing at least a little better now ;v;!
I am doing a lot better now that my shame isn't that sort of deep "die with a secret shame no one can know" sorta deal.
Positivity at all costs really damaged me and made me have a lot of issues with my stuff. I still think people can have good experiences and make a good living.
I just also wanted to idk just not hurt so badly and be allowed to hurt and feel shame and all that weird emotional stuff.
I'm ranting since I'm really tired but thank you for playing my game, I'm glad you see value in it. I went through some fucked up stuff but at least it resulted in some good in the world and I'm grateful for that.
i appreciated this. thank you for making it. i'm sorry.
It's okay, thank you for playing this to the end.
Make a blog post next time… Kudos for making a GBA rom though, that is pretty nifty. Maybe you could make an actual game next time.
You literally have a text based game in one of the 4 shitty games you have published. Are you bitter or something?
Yeah like 1 text-based game made with SBCL and LTK, which is more like a tech demo. Not sure what you are getting at. This game is shitty af no offence. The other 3 games might be shitty sure but they can at least qualify as some sort of game. So, f*ck off.
You suck and you will never make it in this industry with this attitude, enjoy being blacklisted by other indie devs, asshole.
lol
Nin, I really appreciate you going out on a limb and being like grr to this guy but no one needs to be blacklisted by anyone.
I am fully aware some people feel I suck and I don't want to destroy people's careers or anything like that just because they told me what they honestly think about how I make games.
Honestly their comments are far kinder than the response I thought this game would get. It's okay.
I'm going to be honest, I thought about your comment a lot.
Structurally, parts of the game would have made more sense as an essay, such as the first few minutes of the game. Other parts genuinely would have been better as a graphic novel.
The issue is that some parts of the game only make sense and work in the format of games. There is no spoiler key I think in itch comments. I don't want to spoiler my own game but some parts of it would only have worked in game format.
The vending machine, sample taking, 7-11 scene, the inbox, and the walk home absolutely only work in the context of games interaction. They were verb actions and only work in the medium known as "games".
This work was messy because it combined graphic novel, essay, and verb actions into a broadly based "games" format.
You are right that it absolutely right that it isn't entirely a verb based game like how puyo puyo or tetris would be. I still think it has value and other people believe that as well.
I also want to note, I'm going to keep making stuff however I feel fit. It is not your choice to determine how or what I make.
I'm not good at English, but I really like this game,like the color design and choice design, I can't describe my feeling exactly. I hope you will be ok.
I can't promise for the future because no one knows what that holds but for now I am okay. I hope you will be okay too.
Thank you for commenting and playing the game.
Thank you for making and sharing this. I hope it has eased some of the pain in some way. It's a real and beautiful game and im so sorry about everything you went through, both stuff in this game and not
Thank you for playing my game, I know I say this a lot to people but it really shocks me that people see value in this game and cared.
Making this game was horrible but in the end it helped. I have a lot less shame now.
Made me tear up. Beautiful game filled with horrifying memories. The portrayal of some scenes was gut-wrenching. My deepest respect to you for making that game. I hope you are doing well
- Chester
I am an organizer on the queer games bundle so I am exhausted right now but I am living a really good life.
I'm glad I got through a ton of bad things and got to make games afterward instead of suicide or living silently in shame for the rest of my life.
I can't say I am going to be 100% okay in the future but for now I'm okay and trying my best and grateful to be alive.
Thank you for playing my game, I hope you are doing okay too.
Amazing game. I just love it. It really is a 30-minute trip into pieces of memories, intimacy and traumas. It is a moving game and a powerful story. Thank you for sharing this publicly. I know this game was difficult and challenging to create for you and I’m happy I’ve played through it. GB Studio is perfect for this type of game too. Congratulations!!!
Hi Velvet, thank you for your kind words.
It is really great to hear from you.
I'm glad you ended up seeing a lot of value in it, I enjoy your games and work a lot too. I hope we can keep making games for a long time yet.
This is absolutely unrelenting. Where some might time skip because it might be too uncomfortable, you continued. The quietness works so well toward that. Thank you for sharing your experiences.
Thank you, I felt it was important for me to not timeskip because those parts are some of the things I'm ashamed of and I wanted to combat that shame.
Thank you for playing my game to the end and listening.
It's strange to play a game from someone else's life and see so much of your own reflected in it. It was very resonant.
Thank you, it is comforting to know I am not alone and others in the gamedev space share my experiences. You saying that means a lot to me.
Same. As I was playing this, I was shocked at how much I could relate to what was going on. How real it was to my own life.
I’m still processing everything, but holy shit this is remarkable/devastating/moving/vital. Thank you for making this game.
It is okay to take your time to process it. Someday I would like to hear your thoughts but also if you end up being busy or life happens that is cool too.
I know you are busy and it means a ton to me that you took the time to play it so soon after launch.
"I didn't feel different. I was just here like I've always been."
This was, in a word, difficult. It's impossible not to go through this without thinking at one point or another how bad something sounds, and quite often, for conflicting reasons. It does an incredible job of sharing a problem, but not forcing it, even if it's on a topic that is far too real to call 'well constructed'. The objective stance taken on several things, despite how easy it would be to turn any one of them into some kind of mouthpiece for an agenda, is beyond admirable.
And the ability not to blame others, even more so.
Sharing your experience like this will undoubtedly bring a slew of people lying about their own just to relate to it better or for attention, but plenty of others with real trauma just like this will also see it. Sifting through the false and real accounts or not, something like this might just save a life, be it from death or just trauma, and that's an incredible thing. It likely doesn't make what you went through any easier, but at least you know that in one way or another, you're helping people.
Truly, incredible work.
Thank you for your kind words. I honestly thought that no one would play this game. While making it, I thought that no one wants to hear depressing stuff but I kept going because I wanted to overcome my shame.
Keeping a secret until you die is a horrible way to live. Thank you for taking the time to play this to the end and seeing value in this.
There's often value in silence, but even more so in breaking it. It just depends on who you break it to. I don't doubt that most people try to avoid depressing things like this, but those that don't have a lot to glean from it, both good and bad. It's very real, and very powerful to those willing to give it the time it deserves.
I'm so glad you don't have to live with that secret any longer, and even if it is just through an online medium, I'm happy that you were able to share it with far more people than you could have expected. I wish you all the best going forward, and I hope that your struggles, efforts to share them, and future endeavors are met with success.
I'm grateful to have shared in your experiences in such a beautiful and honest way. I have experiences not unlike yours shared this game and it's comforting to know I'm not alone in my struggles and my trauma.
You're not alone, you can and will be loved, and I hope and trust that you will come to let yourself be loved.
I look forward to more of your stories and more of your games
<3 <3 <3
After a lot of years I forgot that I wasn't alone and my experiences weren't uncommon.
It's easy to be safe and avoid people rather than connect on a deeper level, I hope someday I can love and be loved by someone. For now though, making games is enough. I am glad we both get to share the path of being artists.
Thank you for your wonderful words.
Wow, this was a really powerful little game. Thank you so much for making it
Thank you so much for playing it to the end.
Thank you for sharing your story <3
Thank you for playing it to the end.