I found this game through an interview the dev did on her heartwrenching experience releasing it.
Taylor, I am so, so glad you went through with releasing this game. It must have been hard. It must have sucked to have backlash from all sides, especially from within the queer community--which is supposed to be a community that uplifts, but oftentimes fails and ostracizes. My heart goes out to you.
Thank you for telling this story. It gave me a lens to look at my own shit. It made me feel a little less alone. It's messy, it's full of nuance, and it's human. I love that. Thank you.
your game has made me think about many things. transitioning, my life choices in the past, present, and future. my views on love and sex, trauma and hate, and how those things are connected for me personally.
i think i needed this game, at this specific moment in my life.
When I saved the game I had an inkling of an idea about what this was about.
Even after knowing the triggers I decided to play it.
I haven't gone through the same experiences as you, but seeing them opened my eyes to a reality that left my heart heavy. I finished playing a few minutes ago and I'm sure I'll keep this game in my mind for a long time.
I hope wholeheartedly that you're doing better.
Even after a long comment I can't find the right words to express the things I wanna say so I'll just say
this game brought me to tears. even when i thought i could handle the topics, they still hit me hard. while i didn't go through the exact same thing as you, there's many parts of this story that resonate with me and the similar experiences i've had, and you did a wonderful job at putting these complex feelings into words. thank you
This game is touching in ways I can't fully described. I only turned 18 recently and to think others like myself have had to go through things like this is in order to live is,,, well I think you captured the emotions in your game quiet well.Simply said, I'll be thinking about this game for a long time to come. Thank you so much for making this game, it touched my soul. I hope it may have brought some peace to yours as well. I can't wait to see what else you may create as you clearly have much to offer to this world. Much love, in its purest form <3
Hello, my English is not very good so I'll go straight to the point. I am doing a project at my university about the theme "abuse", would you allow me to use your story in the project ? I will definitely cite your reference in it. I will respect your choices. Thank you!
I appreciate the effort that you have put into both this game and yourself. I just hope that fewer people have such experiences as time goes on. Making drastic decisions has been my biggest fear ever, and I have made a few, but even though society and my social circle approve these decisions it is still very scary for me. I don't think I can understand how you felt at the time, but I believe this game was as accurate a depiction as there can ever be. I hope you are even better now, and I hope we can transition into a society where people feel safe being themselves.
immensely powerful. there's not much i could say that others haven't put more eloquently, but i hope you're doing much better. this definitely took a lot to make and put out.
this game took the breath out of me. My stomach was in knots the entire time, I wanted to cry as I read every word.
S3xual trauma is complex, painful, and often treated as shame. We who experience s3xual trauma are told not to speak about it, not to seek help, not to seek peace because what happened was our fault, because no one can do anything about, because no one wants to do anything about it. This game made me think back on all of the relationships I've had, made me wonder if any of those relationships gave me pain that I wasn't even aware of.
It is insane to me how different yet similar our experiences are, but I found comfort in knowing that I am not alone with my confusion and broken experiences with s3x and intimate relationships.
I've been a s3x worker since I turned 18. It's only recently at 23 that I began wondering if the reason I chose to be a sex worker was because of all the fucked up things I've had to go through. I knew deep down it wasn't just for the money, though the money was great, but what you wrote about people wanting to punish or help sex workers really jumped out at me because I encounter SO FUCKING MUCH OF THAT that it has began to eat away at my very soul. I used to think I didn't care what people said or thought about me or what I did, I used to think that I had a lot of pride in what I do for people, I thought it made me feel sexy and beautiful and empowered but lately it's starting to feel more and more like I'm trying to convince myself of that instead of believing it because of all the vitriol and hatred I receive from strangers daily.
I hear you, I feel your pain, I am with you. I love you. Thank you for a great game.
As someone who worked in trauma advocacy using art as my main medium, I truly admire how effectively you wove this narrative. To take something so complex and make it not only understood, but creative and utilizing visuals and writing and gameplay in the best ways to communicate and enhance your vision...purely on a creator and artistic level, this is an incredibly made game.
There were points where I wanted to stop playing this. Not because of lack of quality, but because of the discomfort of real life. The discomfort of what you've experienced.
Other points I nodded along in a mutual understanding of pain and trauma.
I haven't been through things similar to this. But I wanted to hear you out, finish the game, even if I was uncomfortable at times, not at myself or you, or even the game. Just, at life.
As a trans guy, and as someone who has been through trauma, albeit in very different ways, I just want to say that, to some degree, in different ways, as a different person, I can understand how you feel. I don't fully. I never will. But I do understand some of it.
You made me realize something myself. I won't go into it here; this isn't about me or my revelations.
I don't really have anything to say. Cliche words and kind regards don't mean much when you hurt like that. When it's so deep in your mind that it takes years to unravel and slowly build to a place where you feel...okay.
I'm at a place where I feel fairly okay, where I feel proud of myself, and even then, I've come to realize that there's so much more to do, to be...well, okay.
It's long and slow and agonizing at times. But with each step...it does feel worth it, somehow. I still hurt a lot sometimes. I know you must too. I just hope that one day you will find yourself at a point where you can look in the mirror and feel so proud of yourself that you start crying. Where you can accept gifts without guilt, and where you can think of yourself and not feel the weight of everything looming behind you like an unspoken curse or a long forgotten, but not really, monster.
I keep writing more even though I keep thinking that I don't know what to say or how to word it. I have thoughts in my head, wordless ones, images and feelings, but they don't come out right into words. It feels stilted and hollow.
I guess the only thing I can really say is that I hope you get to a place where you feel okay. Not just okay, but really truly okay. Not getting by, not managing, but truly, honestly, okay. I don't know if that makes much sense, but it's the best I can do to word it.
I hope you nothing but good things in your future. Not because of what you've been through or anything you've done. Because of who you are. And who you are is deserving of goodness, in my opinion. Truly.
That's very kind of you. I can only try my best to show support and love for people I see suffering. I went through a lot of shit, very different shit, but shit nonetheless, in my life, and it's taken a lot to get to where I am today. And I'm still trying to get to what I can only describe as a "normal", consistently. Sometimes I'm there, sometimes, somedays, somehow, I end up slipping and I have to work to keep myself from falling back into a place I never want to be in again.
I know I'd want someone to say something like that when I was hurting back then. And again, it's not the same. It'll never be the same. But it's the best I can compare to, and the best I can do to even begin to comprehend someone else's pain.
Life's hard, as many know. I just know that somedays, when I was in a really bad place, a kind comment I read, sometimes not even directed at me, was all I could grasp onto in an effort to keep going. I can't claim to ever be the comment. I can only work to and try to help people hold on, because the idea that someone would suffer all that pain and never get to feel the genuine joy that I've gotten to feel, even for a second, is a thought I can barely bear. The thought that I might not have made it to this point is terrifying to me.
I hope you a wonderful day. And happy new year! :)
This was an incredibly deep and profound game. This made me feel things I don't think i've felt in a long time. I came here in search of something else, and left with a new outlook on life.
amazing game. I was a little confused with the end when Sally sudendly appeared again. But I hope the happy ending is the real one. And I hope the best for you two
Thank you for sharing your experience. I can't really compose my thoughts well, but this game made me feel a lot of things, and I hope you have learned to let others love you, and to love yourself, you deserve it.
This is meant as a compliment, this game made me intensely uncomfortable, in both familiar and unfamiliar ways. It's a good thing. Thank you for sharing your experiences.
This was an amazing game! I know its hard to say something about this type of stuff and im so proud of you for taking such a big step and sharing your experience with the world. I think I have an answer to why your gf made you do sex work: It isnt because she didnt love you its because like you, she didnt know any better. She suffered too but she didnt know a life other than this. You can tell by the way she explains the job. She wanted to help you and in her mind that was the only way. I hope you two live happy lives and get all the happiness you deserve!
Thank you for making this game, despite how difficult it must have been. I hope you have a strong support network to help you in dealing with your trauma.
Thank you for sharing your beautiful, and broken story. I was not aroused by your trauma fortunately. I wish you all of the love in the universe because that is what you deserve!
okay why tf did you feel the need to express to anyone that you weren’t aroused by something?? what purpose did mentioning that serve? you want a cookie for not being aroused over a nasty encounter? I’m genuinely curious.
Because it is directly relevant to the game... They say right at the start that they shared their traumatic story with someone, and that individual responded by saying they were aroused by it.
Wow. This is such an intensely, emotionally raw game, thank you for having the courage to share your experiences like this. I don't think I could ever truly understand exactly how you felt but your emotions and voice came through loud and clear in this, and really resonated with me as another trans person with...complex feelings around sex and being worthy of being loved. I'm sure you already understand this but I just wanted to say you are lovable and important and nothing can take that from you. Nothing.
I hope your days are lighter and more peaceful now, and I wish you all the healing, love, safety, and comfort in the world.
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Comments
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eeeh what did I just played
I think I should read description of games next time
Btw nice game, or not...
Whatever, you did a great job.
men scarred me and this made me feel seen. thank you for being vulnerable so that strangers feel less alone.
I found this game through an interview the dev did on her heartwrenching experience releasing it.
Taylor, I am so, so glad you went through with releasing this game. It must have been hard. It must have sucked to have backlash from all sides, especially from within the queer community--which is supposed to be a community that uplifts, but oftentimes fails and ostracizes. My heart goes out to you.
Thank you for telling this story. It gave me a lens to look at my own shit. It made me feel a little less alone. It's messy, it's full of nuance, and it's human. I love that. Thank you.
your game has made me think about many things. transitioning, my life choices in the past, present, and future. my views on love and sex, trauma and hate, and how those things are connected for me personally.
i think i needed this game, at this specific moment in my life.
thank you for sharing your story.
Thank you for sharing this, and congrats again on the GDC award nomination!
When I saved the game I had an inkling of an idea about what this was about.
Even after knowing the triggers I decided to play it.
I haven't gone through the same experiences as you, but seeing them opened my eyes to a reality that left my heart heavy. I finished playing a few minutes ago and I'm sure I'll keep this game in my mind for a long time.
I hope wholeheartedly that you're doing better.
Even after a long comment I can't find the right words to express the things I wanna say so I'll just say
Thank you.
this game brought me to tears. even when i thought i could handle the topics, they still hit me hard. while i didn't go through the exact same thing as you, there's many parts of this story that resonate with me and the similar experiences i've had, and you did a wonderful job at putting these complex feelings into words. thank you
This game is beautiful and so underated
This was quite the heavy read. Gonna process this for days.
This game is touching in ways I can't fully described. I only turned 18 recently and to think others like myself have had to go through things like this is in order to live is,,, well I think you captured the emotions in your game quiet well.Simply said, I'll be thinking about this game for a long time to come. Thank you so much for making this game, it touched my soul. I hope it may have brought some peace to yours as well. I can't wait to see what else you may create as you clearly have much to offer to this world. Much love, in its purest form <3
Hello, my English is not very good so I'll go straight to the point. I am doing a project at my university about the theme "abuse", would you allow me to use your story in the project ? I will definitely cite your reference in it. I will respect your choices. Thank you!
That is okay. Thank you for asking. Good luck with your project.
The silence is haunting, the game is beautiful.
I appreciate the effort that you have put into both this game and yourself. I just hope that fewer people have such experiences as time goes on. Making drastic decisions has been my biggest fear ever, and I have made a few, but even though society and my social circle approve these decisions it is still very scary for me. I don't think I can understand how you felt at the time, but I believe this game was as accurate a depiction as there can ever be. I hope you are even better now, and I hope we can transition into a society where people feel safe being themselves.
immensely powerful. there's not much i could say that others haven't put more eloquently, but i hope you're doing much better. this definitely took a lot to make and put out.
This was beautiful. Thank you for sharing. I hope you find peace and healing.
this game took the breath out of me. My stomach was in knots the entire time, I wanted to cry as I read every word.
S3xual trauma is complex, painful, and often treated as shame. We who experience s3xual trauma are told not to speak about it, not to seek help, not to seek peace because what happened was our fault, because no one can do anything about, because no one wants to do anything about it. This game made me think back on all of the relationships I've had, made me wonder if any of those relationships gave me pain that I wasn't even aware of.
It is insane to me how different yet similar our experiences are, but I found comfort in knowing that I am not alone with my confusion and broken experiences with s3x and intimate relationships.
I've been a s3x worker since I turned 18. It's only recently at 23 that I began wondering if the reason I chose to be a sex worker was because of all the fucked up things I've had to go through. I knew deep down it wasn't just for the money, though the money was great, but what you wrote about people wanting to punish or help sex workers really jumped out at me because I encounter SO FUCKING MUCH OF THAT that it has began to eat away at my very soul. I used to think I didn't care what people said or thought about me or what I did, I used to think that I had a lot of pride in what I do for people, I thought it made me feel sexy and beautiful and empowered but lately it's starting to feel more and more like I'm trying to convince myself of that instead of believing it because of all the vitriol and hatred I receive from strangers daily.
I hear you, I feel your pain, I am with you. I love you. Thank you for a great game.
As someone who worked in trauma advocacy using art as my main medium, I truly admire how effectively you wove this narrative. To take something so complex and make it not only understood, but creative and utilizing visuals and writing and gameplay in the best ways to communicate and enhance your vision...purely on a creator and artistic level, this is an incredibly made game.
Thank you for sharing your story. I hope everything is going well for you and I send you all my love.
... I don't know what to say but I hope the best come to you Thank You
There were points where I wanted to stop playing this. Not because of lack of quality, but because of the discomfort of real life. The discomfort of what you've experienced.
Other points I nodded along in a mutual understanding of pain and trauma.
I haven't been through things similar to this. But I wanted to hear you out, finish the game, even if I was uncomfortable at times, not at myself or you, or even the game. Just, at life.
As a trans guy, and as someone who has been through trauma, albeit in very different ways, I just want to say that, to some degree, in different ways, as a different person, I can understand how you feel. I don't fully. I never will. But I do understand some of it.
You made me realize something myself. I won't go into it here; this isn't about me or my revelations.
I don't really have anything to say. Cliche words and kind regards don't mean much when you hurt like that. When it's so deep in your mind that it takes years to unravel and slowly build to a place where you feel...okay.
I'm at a place where I feel fairly okay, where I feel proud of myself, and even then, I've come to realize that there's so much more to do, to be...well, okay.
It's long and slow and agonizing at times. But with each step...it does feel worth it, somehow. I still hurt a lot sometimes. I know you must too. I just hope that one day you will find yourself at a point where you can look in the mirror and feel so proud of yourself that you start crying. Where you can accept gifts without guilt, and where you can think of yourself and not feel the weight of everything looming behind you like an unspoken curse or a long forgotten, but not really, monster.
I keep writing more even though I keep thinking that I don't know what to say or how to word it. I have thoughts in my head, wordless ones, images and feelings, but they don't come out right into words. It feels stilted and hollow.
I guess the only thing I can really say is that I hope you get to a place where you feel okay. Not just okay, but really truly okay. Not getting by, not managing, but truly, honestly, okay. I don't know if that makes much sense, but it's the best I can do to word it.
I hope you nothing but good things in your future. Not because of what you've been through or anything you've done. Because of who you are. And who you are is deserving of goodness, in my opinion. Truly.
i had to make an account to say how beautiful this comment is
That's very kind of you. I can only try my best to show support and love for people I see suffering. I went through a lot of shit, very different shit, but shit nonetheless, in my life, and it's taken a lot to get to where I am today. And I'm still trying to get to what I can only describe as a "normal", consistently. Sometimes I'm there, sometimes, somedays, somehow, I end up slipping and I have to work to keep myself from falling back into a place I never want to be in again.
I know I'd want someone to say something like that when I was hurting back then. And again, it's not the same. It'll never be the same. But it's the best I can compare to, and the best I can do to even begin to comprehend someone else's pain.
Life's hard, as many know. I just know that somedays, when I was in a really bad place, a kind comment I read, sometimes not even directed at me, was all I could grasp onto in an effort to keep going. I can't claim to ever be the comment. I can only work to and try to help people hold on, because the idea that someone would suffer all that pain and never get to feel the genuine joy that I've gotten to feel, even for a second, is a thought I can barely bear. The thought that I might not have made it to this point is terrifying to me.
I hope you a wonderful day. And happy new year! :)
Not much I could say, that wouldn't be making the experience about myself. I hope you continue to let yourself feel loved.
Wow. I got the happy ending. I sincerely hope you did, too. Please know that you matter.
This was an incredibly deep and profound game. This made me feel things I don't think i've felt in a long time. I came here in search of something else, and left with a new outlook on life.
Thank you.
amazing game. I was a little confused with the end when Sally sudendly appeared again. But I hope the happy ending is the real one. And I hope the best for you two
Me reading the title of the game..
Thank you for this game
Thank you for sharing your experience. I can't really compose my thoughts well, but this game made me feel a lot of things, and I hope you have learned to let others love you, and to love yourself, you deserve it.
This is meant as a compliment, this game made me intensely uncomfortable, in both familiar and unfamiliar ways. It's a good thing. Thank you for sharing your experiences.
thank you
Thank you for creating this experience. Specifically, the long walk back home is intensely empty.
Thanks for sharing your memories and feelings. Hope you're feeling better each day now. Hope the happy end I get was your true story
Take care
(Your game is visually great, I love how you did all characters and "windows" in the landscape!)
This was an amazing game! I know its hard to say something about this type of stuff and im so proud of you for taking such a big step and sharing your experience with the world. I think I have an answer to why your gf made you do sex work: It isnt because she didnt love you its because like you, she didnt know any better. She suffered too but she didnt know a life other than this. You can tell by the way she explains the job. She wanted to help you and in her mind that was the only way. I hope you two live happy lives and get all the happiness you deserve!
-Saiden <3
Thank you.
I'm sorry that you've gone through this. I'm grateful that you shared with us, and I hope that you can find some happiness in your life.
You have affected so many people, and I hope they can be kinder and more accepting for it.
Thank you for making this game, despite how difficult it must have been. I hope you have a strong support network to help you in dealing with your trauma.
Thank you for sharing your beautiful, and broken story. I was not aroused by your trauma fortunately. I wish you all of the love in the universe because that is what you deserve!
okay why tf did you feel the need to express to anyone that you weren’t aroused by something?? what purpose did mentioning that serve? you want a cookie for not being aroused over a nasty encounter? I’m genuinely curious.
Because it is directly relevant to the game... They say right at the start that they shared their traumatic story with someone, and that individual responded by saying they were aroused by it.
Me pegó muy fuerte. También soy trans y he vivido experiencias similares; no pude evitar llorar.
i dont like this game
Wow. This is such an intensely, emotionally raw game, thank you for having the courage to share your experiences like this. I don't think I could ever truly understand exactly how you felt but your emotions and voice came through loud and clear in this, and really resonated with me as another trans person with...complex feelings around sex and being worthy of being loved. I'm sure you already understand this but I just wanted to say you are lovable and important and nothing can take that from you. Nothing.
I hope your days are lighter and more peaceful now, and I wish you all the healing, love, safety, and comfort in the world.
dude im just at a loss for words, you made some beautiful shit here man.
you're amazing and love,
- Beancocktail
this is painful and incredible and thank you for sharing, absolutely beautiful writing in this