This was an amazing game! I know its hard to say something about this type of stuff and im so proud of you for taking such a big step and sharing your experience with the world. I think I have an answer to why your gf made you do sex work: It isnt because she didnt love you its because like you, she didnt know any better. She suffered too but she didnt know a life other than this. You can tell by the way she explains the job. She wanted to help you and in her mind that was the only way. I hope you two live happy lives and get all the happiness you deserve!
Thank you for making this game, despite how difficult it must have been. I hope you have a strong support network to help you in dealing with your trauma.
Thank you for sharing your beautiful, and broken story. I was not aroused by your trauma fortunately. I wish you all of the love in the universe because that is what you deserve!
okay why tf did you feel the need to express to anyone that you weren’t aroused by something?? what purpose did mentioning that serve? you want a cookie for not being aroused over a nasty encounter? I’m genuinely curious.
Because it is directly relevant to the game... They say right at the start that they shared their traumatic story with someone, and that individual responded by saying they were aroused by it.
Wow. This is such an intensely, emotionally raw game, thank you for having the courage to share your experiences like this. I don't think I could ever truly understand exactly how you felt but your emotions and voice came through loud and clear in this, and really resonated with me as another trans person with...complex feelings around sex and being worthy of being loved. I'm sure you already understand this but I just wanted to say you are lovable and important and nothing can take that from you. Nothing.
I hope your days are lighter and more peaceful now, and I wish you all the healing, love, safety, and comfort in the world.
I have no words to describe this game but this down here is the best I have:
you wound yourself
it just hurts endleslly
then the wound heals
there is no more pain and it makes you feel ''new''
and then you admire what was it
you realize, you didnt have to do that to create your future
but at the same time, it helped you realize
and helped you create your future
thats how you ''evolve''
wounds heal, pain ends, you change, and then you admire it, realizing how it goes on, past is what defines the future, what happened there, is what helped you become something else, trouble and wounds, may be part of it, in the end they will heal, you will change, youll admire it, and then realize you are alive, trouble and wounds will hurt, but if you manage to heal, your path will be the best for you, like a dream full of hopes, this is what i would love to call live
Sincerely, your story goes deep, thanks for sharing it, you managed to recover, and seems you are now better than ever, I hope you keep feeling the best, if you ever get wounded in the future, remember that you will heal, youll change, and then realize what it was, I dont have anything else to say but, hope you have lots of good days and remember that we will always Love you, forever
thank you so much for making this game. you put how i feel into words. sex work made me inherently view everything as a transaction too. healing is hard but it is inevitable.
I have friends and mutuals that got into sex work, but I never knew what the experience was like. I never asked, nor did they ever share. I share a lot of the same sentiment from the many comments posted below, so the most I can say is thank you for sharing that experience.
This an amazing piece of art that fills my heart to the brim with emotion, that expresses such complicated and disparate things in an understandable and deeply powerful way. It affected me personally in a way i can't quite describe, but just know i'm so very thankful for you sharing even just pieces of your story with us. Thank you, i wish you the best
Incredible game. I couldn't get too into it since as a trans person it was hitting a little too close to home but... thank you for feeling comfortable enough to share your story.
I don't have much to say but thank you for sharing your story even though it must have been incredibly hard, i hope you feel alright now, after everything that happened, hope you're in a better place right now.
And i hope you'd only have the most wonderful of days, forever and ever.
A beautifully raw game. i won't lie and say i know exactly what you went through. but i can empathize with you. i don't have any encouraging words or pep talks but i hope you know that you're heard. you're seen. you're valid.
I really enjoyed that, or perhaps it would be more accurate to say that I found it very interesting on an emotional level. It was challenging, and I felt the urge to shut the game off more than once, but I'm glad that I didn't. Thank you for sharing your story.
Hello there. I’ve been consistently impressed by your GB Studio games. I have a question I wanted to ask: I have actually been working on a GB Studio game myself, I started with the basic Gb studio engine, but I’ve been struggling to come up with ways to make it better, and so I was wondering if perhaps I could commission you, to look over it, to help the graphics to be improved, and to help me to make it more unique and special. I’ve sent a message to the Twitter you listed on your page and we can discuss things on there further if you would like :)
I'm not trans, I've never done sex work, and I cried multiple times playing this game. I have definitely felt that loneliness, and that sense of "holding a secret" that I feared would destroy a relationship I needed in my life (whether for emotional support or to pay the bills).
I can only imagine how hard this was to make (both in processing it for others to understand, and in being vulnerable enough to post it), and I just wanted to tell you I am grateful that you did it.
If you're down for hugs, I'm sending many your way. I don't want or need a response to this - no paybacks :) - your game said everything I needed to hear.
I just wanted to say thank you for letting me know I'm not alone in all this struggle.
This is really well made I love how it shows when sa happens you don't feel different you feel empty like your body is your only worth, (in my situation at least) it does change you, just not how movies portray it no dramatic music.
That was very painful to read, even though I have no experience with the subject matter it didn't stop me from empathizing hard with the main character. Tbh it's good to have experiences like this shared out here so that it's not only just positive sexy kinky sex experiences that are so commonly shared on the internet, fictional or non. The truth of the matter is that this shit is really messy, and it can become extremely negative and traumatizing for some people. It must have been really hard to make this, and I want you to know that I'm thankful for sharing this game. I hope it felt liberating to put this out there instead of keeping it in. It made me reflect on a lot of things.
this seems like it was really hard to make, much harder than some game which might be more technically demanding
thank you very much for making this, I'm trans too, without income, and trying to find my way, I hope that with stories like this being told no one will have to go through all of this again, too many of my friends and loved ones have had to go through similar
I really appreciate the nuance you took to discussing sex work from the get-go. It's important to highlight how harmful it can be to some sex workers without making it a tool in anti-sex-work narratives/SWERF rhetoric. I am pacing myself through this game because it is affecting me strongly, but I cannot emphasize enough how effective and lovely your storytelling is. Thank you for sharing this with the world. I hope you've found some peace with your experiences and are continuing a life with joy and healing. All the best <3
A story well worth telling and being heard. I hope you got some measure of personal peace from making this game. Shit's rough, but you've endured this far, and that's strength!
i almost never comment on games but i am left speechless and with tears in my eyes. this is an extremely emotionally powerful game and says some things that i think would feel impossible to express in my own words.
this game leaves me with hope that i will not have to "die with my secret". maybe one day i will feel closure.
thank you for making and sharing this game, thank you for your work in helping with the queer games bundle, and i am wishing a very bright and happy future for you. stay safe
Don't listen to the haters, this was good! Honestly you write well, I dug it 100% and certain sentences and phrases really stuck with me. I am neither trans nor a sex worker, but after this I felt that I learned a lot about this specific experience, and came out with some understanding of how it felt like. Thank you for your story.
Playing this game is deeply moving. Thank you for sharing this with us; it can't have been easy to do so.
But there is one thing I would like to say: Near the end you say that "this was no one's fault but my own." I think that's wrong. I don't think it was your fault at all. I think there were other people who hurt you, whether they meant to or not, and they deserve the blame, not you.
I'm a trans man who did sex work in the past, and so much of this resonates so hard. I think seeing the nastiest side of men kept me in my egg for longer. I especially appreciated someone else talking about how it can be traumatizing to dominate someone.
just wanted to tell you that i've been playing through all your games & i absolutely love them. you're brilliant. the way you display trauma in your art is something i have yet to learn how to showcase artistically myself - i hope one day to be more like you and put more of who i am into my visual art. <3
Thank you for creating, and sharing that interactive story.
There are so many issues wrapped up together there. Finances, gender issues, sex work, and legality wrapped around it all.
We all (most of us) have issues with finances, and I experienced a bit of a breakdown about a decade ago. Interestingly, I still struggle in almost the opposite way to your expression here. I can accept gifts, but really struggle to accept money. Cash or bank transfers, I feel like I'm selling out, and being bought. Like it needs repaying, and with interest that I can't afford. But I need to feel useful to people. I like to help those around me, and I guess it's not unnatural that they would want to, at least offer something tangible in return. Friends and family used to wave notes at me for helping them, and I'd go into a full on panic attack. I usually ran away without explanation. A thing, I can ignore the monetary cost of. I appreciate it more when I can see that it has me, my interests, or needs in mind, rather than what it would cost in a store. If it's hand-made, it's even more valuable to *me.* I learned to tell people, "I *really* don't like money. I don't like having it, being offered it, being asked for it. I just *hate* it. I know you mean it as thanks, but it feels like a threat." I still can't negotiate a raise with my boss. Can't look at my pay-checks, and my family have to manage the bank. But at least I am working again, and I feel the reward of being a "useful member of society" which is all I ever wanted in return.
All that said, your depictions of how *you* see a gift, compared to how the person offering it does completely connected with my experience.
It's interesting to see how similar, and different we are in that regard.
I went through all the inbox. I can absolutely imagine how I would respond to most of those, and some of them don't even warrant any response at all. However, I'm quite "mature" now. I'm not sure how I would have dealt with them at 19.
I can completely relate to the smell issue too. You start wondering if the smell is just in your head now, because it can't possibly survive all of that. Can it? But you can still smell it, just the same. I've had it with good smells, as well as bad ones though. So there is that.
Jumbled up memories too. I've certainly got a bunch of those, from times when I've been "unwell". Traumatised, I guess, though I don't have an easy trigger to pin on my "traumas", if that's what you'd call them. I just say "unwell". I remember things, but most of them are distorted, disjointed, I don't know what order they go in, how they connect, and I'm sure there are gaps in there I just can't remember at all. Like, how did I get from here to there? I don't remember the journey. What was I doing, or thinking? I have no idea.
The way you present all of that is amazing. You've done a brilliant job. It's so relatable, even though it's come from a different place. Your life, and your trauma are different to mine, but your reactions are very similar. If you need it, I'd say that makes it pretty "normal". I think you must be a very beautiful person, inside, to have been able to express all that in a video game.
In a plutonic way, and through the other side of a video screen, I offer you a hug of love, with no expectation of anything in return. (not sure how you'd send a return anyway) It's not even a physical hug, just the thought of one, so you don't have to touch me to get it. ;) I already played your game. You've earned it. I hope you can accept that as I intended it.
I wish you peace, happiness, and that your wounds only ever heal from here on.
this is incredible. moving and heartbreaking, and the abstracted art style and powerful imagery fits the story perfectly. it will stick with me, and I've been unable to stop thinking about it since I played it two nights ago. I know lots of people will have found catharsis and closure on their own trauma from playing it. I certainly have, and I hope you have while making it, too.
there's a lot of things I want to put into words about this game but it'd take a long time for me to truly get those thoughts in order. I played through twice making different decisions each time and noticed more and more small details and dialogue on each playthrough. it's just such a powerful work of art, I don't know how else to sum up what a complex rush of emotions this is. thank you so much for making this.
I'm not usually good with words, but thank you for sharing your story. It takes a lot of courage to open up a wound like this. And not to mention how the system has failed you and many others like you. May there be a better, brighter future for everyone, even you.
i want to say something but am not sure what, really. i suppose the least i can get out is that i hope this helped you in at least a small way. getting it out there is so hard to do but can help so much and im glad you were able to get to that spot. i hope you are doing well and will get even better at whatever pace fits you.
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This was an amazing game! I know its hard to say something about this type of stuff and im so proud of you for taking such a big step and sharing your experience with the world. I think I have an answer to why your gf made you do sex work: It isnt because she didnt love you its because like you, she didnt know any better. She suffered too but she didnt know a life other than this. You can tell by the way she explains the job. She wanted to help you and in her mind that was the only way. I hope you two live happy lives and get all the happiness you deserve!
-Saiden <3
Thank you.
I'm sorry that you've gone through this. I'm grateful that you shared with us, and I hope that you can find some happiness in your life.
You have affected so many people, and I hope they can be kinder and more accepting for it.
Thank you for making this game, despite how difficult it must have been. I hope you have a strong support network to help you in dealing with your trauma.
Thank you for sharing your beautiful, and broken story. I was not aroused by your trauma fortunately. I wish you all of the love in the universe because that is what you deserve!
okay why tf did you feel the need to express to anyone that you weren’t aroused by something?? what purpose did mentioning that serve? you want a cookie for not being aroused over a nasty encounter? I’m genuinely curious.
Because it is directly relevant to the game... They say right at the start that they shared their traumatic story with someone, and that individual responded by saying they were aroused by it.
Me pegó muy fuerte. También soy trans y he vivido experiencias similares; no pude evitar llorar.
i dont like this game
Wow. This is such an intensely, emotionally raw game, thank you for having the courage to share your experiences like this. I don't think I could ever truly understand exactly how you felt but your emotions and voice came through loud and clear in this, and really resonated with me as another trans person with...complex feelings around sex and being worthy of being loved. I'm sure you already understand this but I just wanted to say you are lovable and important and nothing can take that from you. Nothing.
I hope your days are lighter and more peaceful now, and I wish you all the healing, love, safety, and comfort in the world.
dude im just at a loss for words, you made some beautiful shit here man.
you're amazing and love,
- Beancocktail
this is painful and incredible and thank you for sharing, absolutely beautiful writing in this
I have no words to describe this game but this down here is the best I have:
you wound yourself
it just hurts endleslly
then the wound heals
there is no more pain and it makes you feel ''new''
and then you admire what was it
you realize, you didnt have to do that to create your future
but at the same time, it helped you realize
and helped you create your future
thats how you ''evolve''
wounds heal, pain ends, you change, and then you admire it, realizing how it goes on, past is what defines the future, what happened there, is what helped you become something else, trouble and wounds, may be part of it, in the end they will heal, you will change, youll admire it, and then realize you are alive, trouble and wounds will hurt, but if you manage to heal, your path will be the best for you, like a dream full of hopes, this is what i would love to call live
Sincerely, your story goes deep, thanks for sharing it, you managed to recover, and seems you are now better than ever, I hope you keep feeling the best, if you ever get wounded in the future, remember that you will heal, youll change, and then realize what it was, I dont have anything else to say but, hope you have lots of good days and remember that we will always Love you, forever
Thank you for sharing your story
Thanks for making this game!
thank you so much for making this game. you put how i feel into words. sex work made me inherently view everything as a transaction too. healing is hard but it is inevitable.
I have friends and mutuals that got into sex work, but I never knew what the experience was like. I never asked, nor did they ever share. I share a lot of the same sentiment from the many comments posted below, so the most I can say is thank you for sharing that experience.
This an amazing piece of art that fills my heart to the brim with emotion, that expresses such complicated and disparate things in an understandable and deeply powerful way.
It affected me personally in a way i can't quite describe, but just know i'm so very thankful for you sharing even just pieces of your story with us.
Thank you, i wish you the best
Incredible game. I couldn't get too into it since as a trans person it was hitting a little too close to home but... thank you for feeling comfortable enough to share your story.
Wow, this was heavy...
I don't have much to say but thank you for sharing your story even though it must have been incredibly hard, i hope you feel alright now, after everything that happened, hope you're in a better place right now.
And i hope you'd only have the most wonderful of days, forever and ever.
A beautifully raw game. i won't lie and say i know exactly what you went through. but i can empathize with you. i don't have any encouraging words or pep talks but i hope you know that you're heard. you're seen. you're valid.
honestly felt the same way but couldnt put the feeling into words.
I really enjoyed that, or perhaps it would be more accurate to say that I found it very interesting on an emotional level. It was challenging, and I felt the urge to shut the game off more than once, but I'm glad that I didn't. Thank you for sharing your story.
Hello there. I’ve been consistently impressed by your GB Studio games. I have a question I wanted to ask: I have actually been working on a GB Studio game myself, I started with the basic Gb studio engine, but I’ve been struggling to come up with ways to make it better, and so I was wondering if perhaps I could commission you, to look over it, to help the graphics to be improved, and to help me to make it more unique and special. I’ve sent a message to the Twitter you listed on your page and we can discuss things on there further if you would like :)
I'm not trans, I've never done sex work, and I cried multiple times playing this game. I have definitely felt that loneliness, and that sense of "holding a secret" that I feared would destroy a relationship I needed in my life (whether for emotional support or to pay the bills).
I can only imagine how hard this was to make (both in processing it for others to understand, and in being vulnerable enough to post it), and I just wanted to tell you I am grateful that you did it.
If you're down for hugs, I'm sending many your way. I don't want or need a response to this - no paybacks :) - your game said everything I needed to hear.
I just wanted to say thank you for letting me know I'm not alone in all this struggle.
This is really well made I love how it shows when sa happens you don't feel different you feel empty like your body is your only worth, (in my situation at least) it does change you, just not how movies portray it no dramatic music.
That was very painful to read, even though I have no experience with the subject matter it didn't stop me from empathizing hard with the main character. Tbh it's good to have experiences like this shared out here so that it's not only just positive sexy kinky sex experiences that are so commonly shared on the internet, fictional or non. The truth of the matter is that this shit is really messy, and it can become extremely negative and traumatizing for some people. It must have been really hard to make this, and I want you to know that I'm thankful for sharing this game. I hope it felt liberating to put this out there instead of keeping it in. It made me reflect on a lot of things.
this seems like it was really hard to make, much harder than some game which might be more technically demanding
thank you very much for making this, I'm trans too, without income, and trying to find my way, I hope that with stories like this being told no one will have to go through all of this again, too many of my friends and loved ones have had to go through similar
I really appreciate the nuance you took to discussing sex work from the get-go. It's important to highlight how harmful it can be to some sex workers without making it a tool in anti-sex-work narratives/SWERF rhetoric.
I am pacing myself through this game because it is affecting me strongly, but I cannot emphasize enough how effective and lovely your storytelling is. Thank you for sharing this with the world. I hope you've found some peace with your experiences and are continuing a life with joy and healing. All the best <3
A story well worth telling and being heard. I hope you got some measure of personal peace from making this game. Shit's rough, but you've endured this far, and that's strength!
i almost never comment on games but i am left speechless and with tears in my eyes. this is an extremely emotionally powerful game and says some things that i think would feel impossible to express in my own words.
this game leaves me with hope that i will not have to "die with my secret". maybe one day i will feel closure.
thank you for making and sharing this game, thank you for your work in helping with the queer games bundle, and i am wishing a very bright and happy future for you. stay safe
Thank you for sharing your story
Don't listen to the haters, this was good! Honestly you write well, I dug it 100% and certain sentences and phrases really stuck with me. I am neither trans nor a sex worker, but after this I felt that I learned a lot about this specific experience, and came out with some understanding of how it felt like. Thank you for your story.
Playing this game is deeply moving. Thank you for sharing this with us; it can't have been easy to do so.
But there is one thing I would like to say: Near the end you say that "this was no one's fault but my own." I think that's wrong. I don't think it was your fault at all. I think there were other people who hurt you, whether they meant to or not, and they deserve the blame, not you.
One of the most powerful pieces of art I've ever interacted with. Thank you so much for sharing.
I'm a trans man who did sex work in the past, and so much of this resonates so hard. I think seeing the nastiest side of men kept me in my egg for longer. I especially appreciated someone else talking about how it can be traumatizing to dominate someone.
Thank you for sharing your story. I tried really hard not to cry playing through this. I hope you are doing a lot better now.
just wanted to tell you that i've been playing through all your games & i absolutely love them. you're brilliant. the way you display trauma in your art is something i have yet to learn how to showcase artistically myself - i hope one day to be more like you and put more of who i am into my visual art. <3
Thank you for creating, and sharing that interactive story.
There are so many issues wrapped up together there. Finances, gender issues, sex work, and legality wrapped around it all.
We all (most of us) have issues with finances, and I experienced a bit of a breakdown about a decade ago. Interestingly, I still struggle in almost the opposite way to your expression here. I can accept gifts, but really struggle to accept money. Cash or bank transfers, I feel like I'm selling out, and being bought. Like it needs repaying, and with interest that I can't afford. But I need to feel useful to people. I like to help those around me, and I guess it's not unnatural that they would want to, at least offer something tangible in return. Friends and family used to wave notes at me for helping them, and I'd go into a full on panic attack. I usually ran away without explanation. A thing, I can ignore the monetary cost of. I appreciate it more when I can see that it has me, my interests, or needs in mind, rather than what it would cost in a store. If it's hand-made, it's even more valuable to *me.* I learned to tell people, "I *really* don't like money. I don't like having it, being offered it, being asked for it. I just *hate* it. I know you mean it as thanks, but it feels like a threat." I still can't negotiate a raise with my boss. Can't look at my pay-checks, and my family have to manage the bank. But at least I am working again, and I feel the reward of being a "useful member of society" which is all I ever wanted in return.
All that said, your depictions of how *you* see a gift, compared to how the person offering it does completely connected with my experience.
It's interesting to see how similar, and different we are in that regard.
I went through all the inbox. I can absolutely imagine how I would respond to most of those, and some of them don't even warrant any response at all. However, I'm quite "mature" now. I'm not sure how I would have dealt with them at 19.
I can completely relate to the smell issue too. You start wondering if the smell is just in your head now, because it can't possibly survive all of that. Can it? But you can still smell it, just the same. I've had it with good smells, as well as bad ones though. So there is that.
Jumbled up memories too. I've certainly got a bunch of those, from times when I've been "unwell". Traumatised, I guess, though I don't have an easy trigger to pin on my "traumas", if that's what you'd call them. I just say "unwell". I remember things, but most of them are distorted, disjointed, I don't know what order they go in, how they connect, and I'm sure there are gaps in there I just can't remember at all. Like, how did I get from here to there? I don't remember the journey. What was I doing, or thinking? I have no idea.
The way you present all of that is amazing. You've done a brilliant job. It's so relatable, even though it's come from a different place. Your life, and your trauma are different to mine, but your reactions are very similar. If you need it, I'd say that makes it pretty "normal". I think you must be a very beautiful person, inside, to have been able to express all that in a video game.
In a plutonic way, and through the other side of a video screen, I offer you a hug of love, with no expectation of anything in return. (not sure how you'd send a return anyway) It's not even a physical hug, just the thought of one, so you don't have to touch me to get it. ;) I already played your game. You've earned it. I hope you can accept that as I intended it.
I wish you peace, happiness, and that your wounds only ever heal from here on.
Thank you for sharing this.
That was amazing
Thank you
this is incredible. moving and heartbreaking, and the abstracted art style and powerful imagery fits the story perfectly. it will stick with me, and I've been unable to stop thinking about it since I played it two nights ago. I know lots of people will have found catharsis and closure on their own trauma from playing it. I certainly have, and I hope you have while making it, too.
there's a lot of things I want to put into words about this game but it'd take a long time for me to truly get those thoughts in order. I played through twice making different decisions each time and noticed more and more small details and dialogue on each playthrough. it's just such a powerful work of art, I don't know how else to sum up what a complex rush of emotions this is. thank you so much for making this.
I'm not usually good with words, but thank you for sharing your story. It takes a lot of courage to open up a wound like this. And not to mention how the system has failed you and many others like you. May there be a better, brighter future for everyone, even you.
Keep shining.
i want to say something but am not sure what, really. i suppose the least i can get out is that i hope this helped you in at least a small way. getting it out there is so hard to do but can help so much and im glad you were able to get to that spot. i hope you are doing well and will get even better at whatever pace fits you.