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I'm so sorry you had to deal with so much and what didnt fit in the game. Your story is incredibly heartfelt, though, it would be so much better if things weren't this unfortunate for you, and so many others. Your work is outstanding and you are absolutely amazing for surviving all of this, i wish you the best, Taylor!
The "it's no one's fault but my own" line really struck me. If I could tell my past traumatized self anything, it's that the terrible things that happened, the unfortunate circumstances that you were born in and find yourself in later, are not your fault. You are worthy of love and respect!
This is a beautiful, scary, sad game, and I hope that the author is okay. To tell the truth, I haven't usually been that interested in auto-bio games. This one was so well written that it immediately pulled me in. Taylor, if you ever read this, I'm sorry for what happened to you, and I hope you find peace. You are lovable.
I played this a little over a week ago, and I'm only just "getting over" the experience. I'll try to leave a more articulate review in the future, because this game absolutely deserves it, but for now I will say that it is a beautifully crafted and truly devastating experience. I don't know why, but the scene where you pick out food at the convenience store is what got me to cry. Not even the gut-punch at the checkout, just picking out your snacks and saying you don't have to worry about the money, you can get whatever you want. Maybe because it reminded me of being a little kid and getting a treat at the gas station on Fridays. A very simple, innocent pleasure, and it's sad because of that simplicity and innocence in the face of everything else happening. I don't know. It's hard to explain, or even figure out in my own mind. This is a game that is hard to recommend to people, but I feel like I'd be doing them a disservice by not telling them to play it. Thanks for sharing this very vulnerable thing with us. I hope it has been a positive experience, or at least cathartic.
this, is just, wow. I hope your okay wherever you are. This is beautiful and sad. But strangely comforting. Just thank you for making this
Is this something you can actually fap to, or is it another one of those "feel sorry for me" games?
I am 100% certain there are some people who could absolutely masturbate to this game.
Unfortunately for you, this game is probably something most people will not find sexually gratifying.
Fortunately itch has plenty of adult games, I hope you find what you are looking for.
I'll have to return to this at some point for another playthrough. Gave it a first play today and was surprised to find some aspects of the represented experiences really resonated with me.
I have a personal trauma history that includes financial abuse, you've conveyed things I haven't been able to nail down and communicate really. The complexities of social performance and masking in response to a gift. The uncertainty and contradicting needs and emotions that throw me down a bottomless well of self doubt.
"I didn't feel any different" hit me too. I've tended to notice the feelings coming in later in smaller ways.
I really appreciate this game. I understand it took a lottt of work to make something this polished to provide a tonally consistent response in the player while still being playable. The fact you've created something that elicits these kinds of responses within the constraints of this format is honestly really impressive.
Thank you, communicating the issues with getting gifts or having relationships was one of the hardest parts about the game to explain. I really wanted to explain those parts because it's hard for people to "get" that sort of thing through just talking.
Games are powerful because there is a doing aspect and some stuff only makes sense after you've done it.
I couldn't get everything about how it changes your relationship with people because of scale but I'm glad I could at least convey what bits I did get.
My brain is starting to melt right now since I'm really tired but the long changes are just idk, something I wanted to communicate. It's not just bad stuff happened but also a change in self.
It was a lot of work to make this game and I felt it was absolutely doomed when I made it. That no one would want to play it, so I really appreciate you caring enough to play it and say something.
Since I'm not trans or a sex worker, this game isn't very relatable to me. However, the art and storytelling in this game is well done so props for that. Definitely makes up for the minimal gameplay :)
Some aspects of this game would have worked better as a graphic novel or essay but at it's core it still had to be a game to communicate what I needed.
Narrative design and game writing are hard so I appreciate your kind words. Thank you for commenting.
Hope you have a good day, I'll make sure to check out your other work
You can't install the game on your PC in a traditional way but you can download the .gb file and play the game in any emulator that plays gameboy games.
I mainly used visual boy advance with the real colors setting turned on but web browser is a good way to experience the game too.
Cried. Very hard to sit through. Sometimes you just read something and it sounds like something you know but you pretend like you don't.
Some games you sit down and play and you forget about them. They don't sound like anything you've felt or will feel. This is the exact opposite.
That made it even more healing. Thanks for somehow daring to spend hours making this and putting it here.
I am glad that it could be a healing experience for you.
Sometimes healing stuff can be really painful and that's why we avoid them.
I respect that you were able and willing to face something painful and I'm grateful you were able to get something out of it.
Thank you.
this was beautiful yet painful game to play. still, wonderful work. i look forward to any games you may come out with in the future.
Thank you, my next game probably won't be as good or as deep. I don't think I can make another game like this ever again but I still think they'll still have value.
no worries!! i can see that you take a lot of care and effort into your games, so whatever you have next im sure will be great!
damn.
yeah.
i don't know how to describe the way i identified myself with this game
i could feel most of these things and even those that haven't happened to me
the inbox messages and feeling of emptyness made me reflect a bit
that's a great resource
Thank you, I am glad it could be something useful and have value to you.
I've already commented on Twitter but I want to say again: thank you for sharing, and I wish you all the best
Thank you Nin, I really appreciated seeing your comments on every game and just being really nice to me. (I am absolutely thrilled you watched "saving you from yourself part 2, like less than 20 people have ever seen that. It's a really big deal to me.)
So idk, just thank you a lot for being so kind to me.
<3
Thank you for the heart emoji!
Wow. Thank you for sharing your story in such a beautiful way. I hope creating this game helped you heal and process the trauma a bit.
It helped me with my shame a whole lot. I went from planning on dying with a secret to just being a more okay person.
Thank you for playing this to the end.
Thank you for playing my game to the end. I appreciated thhat you asked before posting this, you didn't have to but it was nice.
I never got to see anyone else play my game ever. To be honest, I think it would be kinda tough to be in the same room as people playing my game.
That being said, seeing parts you got confused at was data I wish I had when making this game. I could've used that to make it less confusing.
I appreciated also getting to see what choices you make. Sometimes I really wondered if people would end up loving Sally or not. I'm glad you could love her.
The strangest thing was getting to see my perspective flipped on me through someone else's eyes. Seeing your own life from a third person view is just idk, I can't explain it.
Anyways thank you for this, I hope you are okay now. Making this game was my attempt to break out of the bubble of shame and it helped a lot.
I appreciate your hard work playing this game.
Thank you as well for developing this game and telling this story. It was hard to tell it, but I'm glad you are finally be able to breathe more from now. It also gives me an insight of what could or what happens in live. I hope you can live more happier and better.
thank you for making a beautiful game. i'm sorry that you have to go through this. and i'm sorry that stories like this often get lost or outright dismissed amidst the positivity-at-all-costs discussion around SW, despite how common similar stories to this can be in reality. i hope youre doing at least a little better now ;v;!
I am doing a lot better now that my shame isn't that sort of deep "die with a secret shame no one can know" sorta deal.
Positivity at all costs really damaged me and made me have a lot of issues with my stuff. I still think people can have good experiences and make a good living.
I just also wanted to idk just not hurt so badly and be allowed to hurt and feel shame and all that weird emotional stuff.
I'm ranting since I'm really tired but thank you for playing my game, I'm glad you see value in it. I went through some fucked up stuff but at least it resulted in some good in the world and I'm grateful for that.
i appreciated this. thank you for making it. i'm sorry.
It's okay, thank you for playing this to the end.
Make a blog post next time… Kudos for making a GBA rom though, that is pretty nifty. Maybe you could make an actual game next time.
You literally have a text based game in one of the 4 shitty games you have published. Are you bitter or something?
Yeah like 1 text-based game made with SBCL and LTK, which is more like a tech demo. Not sure what you are getting at. This game is shitty af no offence. The other 3 games might be shitty sure but they can at least qualify as some sort of game. So, f*ck off.
You suck and you will never make it in this industry with this attitude, enjoy being blacklisted by other indie devs, asshole.
lol
Nin, I really appreciate you going out on a limb and being like grr to this guy but no one needs to be blacklisted by anyone.
I am fully aware some people feel I suck and I don't want to destroy people's careers or anything like that just because they told me what they honestly think about how I make games.
Honestly their comments are far kinder than the response I thought this game would get. It's okay.
I'm going to be honest, I thought about your comment a lot.
Structurally, parts of the game would have made more sense as an essay, such as the first few minutes of the game. Other parts genuinely would have been better as a graphic novel.
The issue is that some parts of the game only make sense and work in the format of games. There is no spoiler key I think in itch comments. I don't want to spoiler my own game but some parts of it would only have worked in game format.
The vending machine, sample taking, 7-11 scene, the inbox, and the walk home absolutely only work in the context of games interaction. They were verb actions and only work in the medium known as "games".
This work was messy because it combined graphic novel, essay, and verb actions into a broadly based "games" format.
You are right that it absolutely right that it isn't entirely a verb based game like how puyo puyo or tetris would be. I still think it has value and other people believe that as well.
I also want to note, I'm going to keep making stuff however I feel fit. It is not your choice to determine how or what I make.
I'm not good at English, but I really like this game,like the color design and choice design, I can't describe my feeling exactly. I hope you will be ok.
I can't promise for the future because no one knows what that holds but for now I am okay. I hope you will be okay too.
Thank you for commenting and playing the game.
Thank you for making and sharing this. I hope it has eased some of the pain in some way. It's a real and beautiful game and im so sorry about everything you went through, both stuff in this game and not
Thank you for playing my game, I know I say this a lot to people but it really shocks me that people see value in this game and cared.
Making this game was horrible but in the end it helped. I have a lot less shame now.
Made me tear up. Beautiful game filled with horrifying memories. The portrayal of some scenes was gut-wrenching. My deepest respect to you for making that game. I hope you are doing well
- Chester
I am an organizer on the queer games bundle so I am exhausted right now but I am living a really good life.
I'm glad I got through a ton of bad things and got to make games afterward instead of suicide or living silently in shame for the rest of my life.
I can't say I am going to be 100% okay in the future but for now I'm okay and trying my best and grateful to be alive.
Thank you for playing my game, I hope you are doing okay too.
Amazing game. I just love it. It really is a 30-minute trip into pieces of memories, intimacy and traumas. It is a moving game and a powerful story. Thank you for sharing this publicly. I know this game was difficult and challenging to create for you and I’m happy I’ve played through it. GB Studio is perfect for this type of game too. Congratulations!!!
Hi Velvet, thank you for your kind words.
It is really great to hear from you.
I'm glad you ended up seeing a lot of value in it, I enjoy your games and work a lot too. I hope we can keep making games for a long time yet.
This is absolutely unrelenting. Where some might time skip because it might be too uncomfortable, you continued. The quietness works so well toward that. Thank you for sharing your experiences.
Thank you, I felt it was important for me to not timeskip because those parts are some of the things I'm ashamed of and I wanted to combat that shame.
Thank you for playing my game to the end and listening.
It's strange to play a game from someone else's life and see so much of your own reflected in it. It was very resonant.
Thank you, it is comforting to know I am not alone and others in the gamedev space share my experiences. You saying that means a lot to me.
Same. As I was playing this, I was shocked at how much I could relate to what was going on. How real it was to my own life.
I’m still processing everything, but holy shit this is remarkable/devastating/moving/vital. Thank you for making this game.
It is okay to take your time to process it. Someday I would like to hear your thoughts but also if you end up being busy or life happens that is cool too.
I know you are busy and it means a ton to me that you took the time to play it so soon after launch.
"I didn't feel different. I was just here like I've always been."
This was, in a word, difficult. It's impossible not to go through this without thinking at one point or another how bad something sounds, and quite often, for conflicting reasons. It does an incredible job of sharing a problem, but not forcing it, even if it's on a topic that is far too real to call 'well constructed'. The objective stance taken on several things, despite how easy it would be to turn any one of them into some kind of mouthpiece for an agenda, is beyond admirable.
And the ability not to blame others, even more so.
Sharing your experience like this will undoubtedly bring a slew of people lying about their own just to relate to it better or for attention, but plenty of others with real trauma just like this will also see it. Sifting through the false and real accounts or not, something like this might just save a life, be it from death or just trauma, and that's an incredible thing. It likely doesn't make what you went through any easier, but at least you know that in one way or another, you're helping people.
Truly, incredible work.
Thank you for your kind words. I honestly thought that no one would play this game. While making it, I thought that no one wants to hear depressing stuff but I kept going because I wanted to overcome my shame.
Keeping a secret until you die is a horrible way to live. Thank you for taking the time to play this to the end and seeing value in this.
There's often value in silence, but even more so in breaking it. It just depends on who you break it to. I don't doubt that most people try to avoid depressing things like this, but those that don't have a lot to glean from it, both good and bad. It's very real, and very powerful to those willing to give it the time it deserves.
I'm so glad you don't have to live with that secret any longer, and even if it is just through an online medium, I'm happy that you were able to share it with far more people than you could have expected. I wish you all the best going forward, and I hope that your struggles, efforts to share them, and future endeavors are met with success.
I'm grateful to have shared in your experiences in such a beautiful and honest way. I have experiences not unlike yours shared this game and it's comforting to know I'm not alone in my struggles and my trauma.
You're not alone, you can and will be loved, and I hope and trust that you will come to let yourself be loved.
I look forward to more of your stories and more of your games
<3 <3 <3
After a lot of years I forgot that I wasn't alone and my experiences weren't uncommon.
It's easy to be safe and avoid people rather than connect on a deeper level, I hope someday I can love and be loved by someone. For now though, making games is enough. I am glad we both get to share the path of being artists.
Thank you for your wonderful words.
Wow, this was a really powerful little game. Thank you so much for making it
Thank you so much for playing it to the end.
Thank you for sharing your story <3
Thank you for playing it to the end.
This is powerful. I hope ypu find a measure of peace and catharsis in sharing. My own traumas have given me issues with self esteem I won't get into, and the way you phrased yours made me feel something strong. I don't know WHAT exactly, but big. Thanks for sharing with us.
Thank you so much for playing this. I'm glad it was able to mean something and have something good come out of it.
Honestly part of making this was converting trauma that's meaningless and shameful into something that idk has value and meaning and I can't articulate it but something?
I feel a lot less shame and it helped me, I'm really grateful it did something for you as well.
This was really well done and I want to thank you for sharing your story. Also, you did a fantastic job with the art.
Thank you so much! I see you around in games spaces and idk, it's nice hearing from you and seeing your stuff too.
(Sorry if my message is a little off, I'm currently doing queer games bundle rush too and I'm just running on fumes but it's neat hearing from you again!)
Thank you for sharing this. I have been a fan of your works for awhile now, and this was deeply impactful in a way thats hard to articulate without sounding preachy or condescending. What I can sincerely say is that I'm happy I played it. This kind of pain is not easy to talk about, let alone live with. I genuinely hope you are in a better place now, and that the creation of this game has contributed to that.
I am in a stable enough place that I feel safe to process this stuff. Being able to make games gives my life a lot of meaning and I'm grateful I get to do so.
I'm glad you've been playing my stuff for a while, that means a lot. I hope you'll continue to do so. My next game is probably not going to be too deep because I need something fun maybe? Idk
Anyways it was nice hearing from you!
I am grateful you get to make games as well. I will be sticking around no matter if your stuff in the future is fun or not : > Glad you are doing well!
That was very hard to play through, but it's good.
I hope you're okay now.
I am stable and safe which is enough. I'm not sure I have a bright future ahead of me but I know I can make games and that is enough for me to be okay and even kinda happy.
Great, I hope making and sharing this game has made you feel better in some way, and I wish you good luck, honestly.
This was really hard to finish but I'm glad I did.
Thank you for playing it to the end. When I released it I was afraid that no one would so it means a lot to me that people cared enough to do so.
I can't imagine how hard and painful it must have been to make this game and let people play it, let alone experience the things narrated in it. This game is the kind of art that leaves me uncapable of saying something meaningful, so i'll just say that I sincerely wish you happiness.
Thank you!
i played the game all the way through and well...
i feel empty. part of it might be a sort of emotional disconnect from viewing a life far away from mine. part of it might be because of the themes of this game.
one thing i can relate to a little is the messages on the website (i forgot the name of it already) but i've seen some things on another site (which i will not disclose) which while are not quite as severe but remind me of some of those messages.
other than that i don't have much to say other than i hope you're doing alright.
was i sincere with that last sentence or was i just unconsciously morally obligated to say that? i'm not sure. morality is a little weird for me.
I'm not sure I understand your message but I hope you are okay?
Also you don't have to like me or want me to be okay, it's cool. If everyone liked me or were kind to me, it'd be creepy.
Anyways, thank you for playing my game to the end.
I hope you feel better soon.
oh i'm okay. just a bit empty and tired since it's late. what i meant in that last part is i was having a little crisis of what it means to wish a stranger well.
Oh, that's cool. I'm glad you're okay. Thank you for getting back to me. :)
thanks for worrying about me i guess. what is either my natural empathy or sense of moral obligation wishes you well.
You've made something that stands out, this made me feel things that I've never felt before and this piece of art will inspire others to make things as sublime as this. I hope you've found solace and some form of peace. Thank you for making this.
Yeah, I'll be honest day one of posting this and the making it process were scary as heck and traumatic.
But at the end, no longer having to have the "i'll die with this secret shame deal" and just getting to be a normal person means so much to me. It's not a magic cure-all but omg like idk???
Anyways, thank you for playing this through to the end.
I had to push myself to play this game. There was so much here that made me feel uncomfortable, knowing that how I was feeling was a pale reflection of what you felt.
I was so happy to see the epilogue pop up, to know that it was nearly over. Throughout the game, you explain how you didn't have a story or a film moment, a moment where everything slotted into a neat narrative structure, no act breaks or montages. But you gave it to us, so we could experience your story without being left in limbo. I hope that by making this game, you've managed to continue on this path out of that place.
Yeah, I no longer have the massive "I'm going to die with this secret" type shame.
I know that's weird to say but if I had to tell this story like in person to a bunch of people like an audience it would've been impossible for me. Now though, I know after having had a ton of players that it is okay. It just is okay and it's not the end of the world and it doesn't define me.
What I thought was something I had to keep secret was fine. That's a big deal and idk, it's hard to overstate that.
At the same time, please don't take me a stranger fussing at you the wrong way but it's totally okay to not play this or play it to the end. You shouldn't have to be exposed to traumatic shit out of some sense of morality or because bad stuff happened to me.
It's more a kind idk, play if you can and want to but no pressure deal. I really hope that you're doing okay and are fine after this though. Thank you again for playing.